Hi there,

It's been a while since I've shared my thoughts. I guess I was feeling exhausted, and maybe even a bit too lazy to express it. The past few months, weeks, and days have been an emotional roller coaster. Looking back, those days were really rough, and at times I even lost hope that I would be able to overcome the challenges I chose to face. But here I am now, standing victorious, and I am humbly grateful to God for the blessings He has given me.

Finally, I passed my NCLEX exam! I still can't wrap my head around it because the whole experience was so draining. I vividly remember how exhausting the actual exam was, and being able to answer all 150 questions felt like a pure miracle. I had been sick the week leading up to the exam, and even during the test, I had an itchy throat, which made it painful to keep going. On top of that, I couldn't get a proper night's sleep before the exam—I was so anxious that I couldn’t fall asleep. But I guess prayers and faith really can move mountains.

I’m so thankful to my friends who have been by my side throughout this journey. Words can't fully express my gratitude. Mary has been such a wonderful person in my life; she was genuinely overjoyed that I passed the exam. Athena stood by me in those moments when I doubted myself, listening to my struggles as if she didn't have her own challenges in Germany. My sisters have been constantly praying for me. And to all my other friends who have been there for me—I am truly grateful.

God’s presence is undeniable. His plan is far more wonderful than anything I could have planned for myself. His rejections have truly been redirections, just like I once read: delays are not denials, so trust the process. This phase has reminded me that God has always been by my side, even during the toughest times. Yes, I’ve faced many rejections over the past years, and there were moments when I felt upset, wondering why I had to go through all of this. I may have questioned God at times, but deep down, I always knew I trusted Him more.

The NCLEX journey wasn’t smooth for me. I spent countless hours studying, but there were times when it felt like all my effort wasn’t good enough. I found myself stuck in a loop of procrastination, distracted by social media, my job, and even doing nothing at all, which only made it harder for me to focus on studying. It was tough. The sleepless nights felt like they didn’t make much difference, especially knowing this was my third attempt.

After the exam, I thought, “This is it. I don’t think I’m going to make it.” As much as I wanted to stay optimistic, I felt that this exam was the hardest one yet. I kept telling myself how difficult it was, and I still can’t believe that I actually passed.

Reading the result while standing in line at immigration was nerve-wracking. The rush of sweat through my body was insane, and I felt chills running down my spine. I was shaking, desperately wanting to talk to Mary, but she didn’t answer my calls at 5:30 in the morning. It all felt unreal—the pride of passing the exam was beyond words.

I humbly thank the Lord for His guidance and abundant grace. I am far from perfect, with so many flaws, yet His wonderful blessing was so unexpected. Thank you, Lord. Psalm 27:1

Gilbert S. Pagunaling, PhRN, USRN (Sept 25, 2024)

Labels: Exam, NCLEX, thoughts