Friday, August 5, 2016
Realization Posted at 7:53 PM 3 comments (+)

hello there! I had a good memories back in June. I'm been in Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam and that was a short trip because we were literally hopping to a different country in 6 days. it was a nice experience for me. and I will cherish those memories for my entire life because I didn't expect to travel to those places, although traveling was my greatest dream and but doing it in reality was kinda surreal and fulfilling because that's my hard earned money. And dude!traveling was everyone's dream and who's not right?! :)

 And how I wish going to different places is free. it's so nice doing those things you really like and make the most of it with yourself and your friends.

I got a lot of realization  while doing that tour.

*life is less serious when you choose to. just be happy and enjoy what you have. its not just about having a lot of money. yes?! probably money make us happy in a way, we can do whatever we want, buy those things we like and of course for us to be able to live and survive. but the more we try to chase the money or strive to have more than what we have tends to make us more vulnerable to be unhappy and unappreciated about single things. I know it's a frustration and depression because you/we are not able to have it, you/we felt that losing the chance is the same as losing our happiness lays on the money. probably I'm not the right person to tell this because I'm just 26yrs old and I'm still in the middle of my life and journeying what life could be for the next few years. I'm not YET successful and even have a stable and firm job to say these things and I'm also one of those people who are chasing after it and who's not? but like what I said LIFE IS LESS SERIOUS when we choose to. looking back to this statement maybe after years, I want to test myself if I would feel the same thing now versus later. well, we will see it. and see for my self. hehe I don't know why I'm doing this, why I'm saying these things.  it's so funny because I'm preaching about being happy without money or just being contended in spite of being struggling to have it more hehe ironic!  coming for me and coming to an average guy like me who's aiming to have nice, comfortable and unimaginably life because of the art of money is now stating these words and act as I'm not struggling  about  it

actually I admired to those people who been living in a simplest way. those people whose very dedicated to achieving their goals no matter what happened. I knew some of them personally and it makes me think why I don't have this kind of perseverance and will. yes!? i have goals and dreams but I have more time about worrying certain things and be depressed in quite sometimes. I have this attitude for the longest time. there's a time that I'm very motivated and very energetic to go after those goals and dreams but after a while, those mantras that I set on my mind was fading in every single day that had passed. but these people, their dedications has been never stopped in spite of achieving certain pleasure and rewards along the way. they still have the fire to get what they want. And that's very commendable and inspiring.

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Sunday, April 17, 2016
what makes you happy? Posted at 8:58 AM 2 comments (+)

What makes you happy?

What a dying person would think about this question? Is this question would define his/her existence before death occurs. 

What makes us realise how much time we actually had versus those people who's battling about their life Everyday..

I had a conversation to one person a few nights ago. She's a person who's actually dealing about her life Everyday. I didn't believe her until she explained about her condition. She got this terminal illness that shortened her life to a few or more years, let's say her life span is much shorter than the average person.  I didn't let her to talk or ask what was like her illness,  but according to her it runs to her family and she got it. She's been diagnosed two months before her 22years birthday.

I can't imagine how she feels like being diagnosed with this illness. My first time to hear this kind of struggle first hand from that person herself. This story gives me chills down my spine and fear somehow, fear for her? Fear for myself? What ifs etc 

After sharing her story to me, I was imagining how her life would be like after learning that she got it. It would be hard? Of course yes, even me having this kind of so called "crisis"  this would be a nightmare for me  and what more that she got it for real. So depressing for sure! She mentioned that she got this self mirror. I don't know what was that and what is for? Hmm maybe this medium is the way how she vent about her depression.

I asked her what makes her happy, she answered me back that was no particular things that make her happy. Practically what makes us happy are the same thing with her. Family, money, work, stress, being on bed to relax, all these things makes us happy but not as much happier than what she feels. All these things are normal stuff for us to fulfill the whole day but for her these things are precious memories that she's going to keep until the time of her death. 

I Asked her about her BUCKET LIST. For me living to a melodramatic world is like watching my favourite korean and local dramas. But I'm too naive about reality, about real life and how life supposed  to be for a normal people like her/us/me. Different perspective from a person diagnosed of a terminal illness and her life trapped on a time canister for a certain time period. For her , Having a bucket list couldn't be practical. For her view and she explained to me that what if she didn't make it to accomplish this list, you've have this feeling of regrets about not completing for something you supposed to do while you're still alive. Instead of dying happy, you die with full of regrets. Regretting isn't fulfilling after all and later on it hunts you for the next life, worse you become a lost soul ๐Ÿ˜ this view really make sense for me and I realised "yeah, you have point" to make it change the ambiance about this convo, i tried to joke around by saying "you should have simple list, those attainable bucket list" hehe but then again i still don't know what's gonna be my own perspective until I'm experiencing the same situation like her.  can i overcome it the way how she accept it? Idk ๐Ÿ˜ž

I was complaining about my life and what my future holds for me. And I didn't know there was someone  behind me battling for her life like a time bomb. How ironic that life would be unfair in so many way. I'm not here to judge life and the entire mystery of what life can give. I'm not contented and i will never be, because that's what life supposed to be... We have an endless needs,wishes,dreams,goals and mantrasI was complaining about my life and what my future holds for me. And I didn't know there was someone  behind me battling for her life like a time bomb. How ironic that life would be unfair in so many way. I'm not here to judge life and the entire mystery of what life can give. I'm not contented and I will never be, because that's what life supposed to be... We have an endless needs,wishes,dreams,goals and mantras but then again once we got all of these, we're starting again to strives for a new cycle of wishes and so on.. This is what I mean that's why I'm not contented but it doesn't mean that im not happy. Yes, I feel bad, stress, frustrated and failed about not achieving for what I want to get but these things are just a few stressors that make me a whole as a person. Eventually, life teaches me about realisation and like this conversation to someone who's totally stranger to me but then, life let me to know this person and other people around me as well.

Yes, this person got her balls that I suppose to have, because no matter what, she's able to live on her way and make herself adjusted  since life give her a very challenging role. I admire her for the courage, her perspective, strength and fighting spirit to overcome the twisted  plot that life imposed.

"Go with the flow" is the simplest things I've heard yet this statement is the most powerful.  I gotta do my things and be worried about tomorrow and I didn't realised  that I'm too drown out about my will to deal with life. Im not running out of time more than she does. I have a lot of time ahead of me than she had. So who am I to complain but instead I need to change my views and make my life easier and light. Be the simplest dude and yet keeps  the fire of aiming my dreams :) 

Hey you lady! If ever you've read this! I salute and admire you. I know whatever you feel and what illness you had, you're stronger than it.  I will keep in mind whatever    Views and realisation that you have shared with me. :)

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Misjudge Posted at 8:00 AM 0 comments (+)

Last time I got this client in Tampines and somehow this family give me a hard time and fear.

๐Ÿ˜– here's the story..

I can believe that they complained about me for some unreasonable matter.  

1.  Using my phone : I don't think that was wrong because first,  that moment I have to ask my colleague  about the contact  number of other NA who's been doing the service last time.  I just want to ask her about the routine. Okay I admit it,  using phones at work will be an issue to any institution but then they can just ask me first why I did it or let me explain my side. After my supervisor informed me abt the complain, i tried to confront the Daughter abt their  issue and for God sake, this old woman denied it. So funny that she can't even tell straight on my face ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜’

2.  Using new tissue paper to get the used one : this complaint was totally a bullshit, technically I should used gloves because that tissue was contaminated from my patient body's  fluids and I don't know why the other NA didn't do the same thing or why she tolerated that routine. I asked the daughter to give me plastic bag so,  uncle can just drop the used tissue in it but the funny thing the Daughter answer me back that there was no place to hang it?! Seriously? I can put it right anywhere near from her father because he keep dropping whatever fluids from his nose and she expect me to touch it and pretend that's nothing to me. 

3. Uncle was not satisfied after I took him on shower : me was like "wtf! Are they seriously?" ๐Ÿ˜’ I've been here in Singapore for 2years and they just accused me for not doing my job well,  i wanna confront them and ask them one by one, actually im just there to teach uncle not to be dependent.

4.  Reading book :  I guess they expect me to stare at the wall and wait till the  time i need to go home. Seriously! What's wrong about reading my book and that time Uncle was standing at the window for 10mins and im just seated few steps behind him and I checked him every now and then after that he seated on the couch while watching TV.  Im trying to say, its all dead time, there's nothing to do. so, what's wrong about it.

5. Be aware of me/Dangerous guy:
Yes! They judged me for real and I don't know what's their reason behind that judgment. Really!?do I looked like Gangster? Even I am, is that a valid reason to judge someone by how he looks like. Besides they just know me for a day. My conclusion is one of the Daughter (old maiden) maybe scared to be rape by me. Hahaha omg I'm also picky tho and over my sexy  body she's not even worth it to be rape by anyone haha (sorry im mean)

Moral lesson: Humans are rude. A highest form of animal tend to be a superior at its finest. Come on! We are all human and I'm talking as a part of this species. So, why we can't be understanding. I admitted that me as well, sometimes I tend to be rude to anyone but as much as possible I tried my best not to be and incase I am , by the end of the day I have this regret that I show up my weakness by being rude and inhuman.  Funny thing that I felt bad for being judged by strangers but  the other way around I'm also like them. Consciously or unconsciously for sure I bullied someone without knowing it.  

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Saturday, April 2, 2016
Randomness Posted at 8:37 PM 0 comments (+)

Random day! i was thinking to find a Job online but I'm so lazy to do it :p beside I'm still waiting for my application In SGH (Singapore General Hospital) I'm applying for Nursing aide or healthcare assistant but the HR personnel asked me if I can be assigned for different Job opening, so Who am I to say no. I mean right now and the state of my life for this very moment, haha I can't be choosy and picky about work. I'm so hopeless right? well,  that's life and I need to deal with it.  

And about this Job Application, I didn't share this to anyone of my colleagues. Friends? or even to dennis :( hmmm This thing makes me selfish. Because I was thinking what if they're been hired and I'm left alone. sorry for being so selfish and not being so true friend and I'm guilty. anyway I hope things will be okay soon and if I succeed I'm going to share this to dennis. :) I'm not that bad not to share this to anyone. well life is life. in reality we need to be wise and smart and if life required to be rude and tough well, we should need to... 

anyway, this might be one of my journey and hopefully I can get throught this. And all of my dreams will be on the same page. I have a lot of things that i want to do. I wanted to try all those weird things in earth. How I wish I have powers to switch myself to different places and be wild as I can. hehe (Day dreaming dude:>) those inspiring travel Video Blogs are killing me hahaha but it's so fun to watched it. I was like there and enjoying their moment too haha yes! this is a typical day dreaming.  I never get tired to watched those VBlogs because it brings happiness to me whenever I watched them. and I'm also addicted to kpops trends and Korean drama again. I have a plenty of time to watched their music videos on Youtube and I can't be tired as hell. hahaha.

hey! days passed so fast. How cool it was right? haha or this is weird having a sudden rush of time and we suddenly noticed that we were nearly in the middle of the year hehe. How I wish that time will pause and enjoy every bit of it. like wanna go to beach, hiking or shopping and those days will never end like an infinite time line. just to able to have a never ending happiness. :) how cool it sounds right? 


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Monday, February 1, 2016
Holiday on Philippines and My Dramas Posted at 8:02 PM 0 comments (+)

it's been a days when I went back in manila and that was a boring vacation haha but still I'm happy to see my family again and nothing has changed there. Philippines are still Philippines, its been a year ago since I flew here in Singapore. first I'm so hesitant to go back because i was scared on how  much I'm gonna spend back there.  so roughly less than 30k pesos, and I need to pull it out some of my savings back there :( and as usual, There are still people back there who can't even understand how hard to work here (overseas) their perception was, when you worked overseas, you've been earning a lot of money, maybe yes for other people but not for me :/ and they keep comparing me to other people and it make me sad and depressed because no one will dream to work hard for nothing. and there are some people out there who's very close to my heart are very vocal to express their excitement for something that I gonna give to them :( they're not excited to see me instead they are excited for something I have for them. that's unfair and they don't understand it. I'm not too hard to spend my money for them but, at least they should think what hardship I had to put on just to earn it. I'm not selfish to keep my money, they are too much to ask more - I don't know, I don't want judge them but this is what I feel :( 

and when I back here in Singapore, now I'm over thinking again for so many things. I'm so alarmed about my next move. and yes now I'm pressing again my snooze button and delaying everything. this attitude should be removed on my system. anyway I miss a lot the Singapore and I want to go back again when I'm there hahaha, you can really tell what was the difference between the two countries. How sad that Philippines are still the same. The poor situation, the bad politics and Rotten and disgusting system of Democracy. How I wish that we had a better future on our own land.

Anyway, I just really miss my family thou not that much hahaha but I want to see them and my two nephews. they grew so fast.. I want to give the best love that I can give to them and of course to my mum and my siblings as well but like what I have now it's not even enough for us and I'm very shame to share it with them because me also I have my own needs and expenses but I still need to divide it for us. How sad life I have hahaha everything are still in control and I need to compensate, hahah soon I want to feel the luxury of what life can give to me and to my family.  well, everything I need. I should earn it on my own because no one would give it and that's what life would do it :D 

and this kind of situation, I still manage to be happy and positive. I hope I will be always like this. thou I still have ups and down moment and mostly down situation but my faith are still Stronger no matter what life can bring. Aja! :D

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Tuesday, January 12, 2016
2016 Posted at 9:29 PM 1 comments (+)

Hello there! and hello 2016 - so much expectation this year, a lot of wishes, goals, and dreams. Ang dami kong ineexpect this year. Makapag travel, makahanap ng ibang work, more hook-ups hahaha joke. but seriously yung relationship na pwde kong itressure. well 2016 na what's new hahaha. but I feel it, soon hahahaha, the question is how soon? hahaha okay let's stop this.

lately sobra akong interested sa mga tutorial sa youtube, may napanuod akong vlog about traveling and I'm dying bacause I'm supposed to be there hahaha joke. seriously gusto ko gawin yung mag travel from now on. yung pakiramdam na free ka and you have free mind to explore everything. free soul and free life kahit saglit lang makawala ka sa problema mo. how i wish to live in a worry less world. free of anything that can stress me. but that world doesn't exist at all :)  bacause life is useless without problems. that's my mantra

this year I will try to be a good person as I can. no more hate, hatred, envy, and I want to be happy. pero parang ang hirap panindigan hahahaha. I just noticed when I get older that I become more sensitive and concern about my life. is this a mid-life crisis? haha is that too early for me? :) hahaha. like what I want to be this year, sometimes it's so hard to be that person, thou that changes are for your own maturity and well-being as a Individual. okay this is me talking about changes haha? Anyway, minsan di ako makaramdam ng contentment and I'm guilty because I can't see how blessed I am. that's the things that I need to working on. also need to stop comparing myself to other people. stop procrastinate everything, do it as soon as possible and be punctual. at this Aged, I had a lot of things inside me that I need to pay attention, bad habits, bad attitude and everything about me that need changes. should I stop wishing things that everything that I see to other people are supposed to be me? wishing that I have what they have, who they are and everything they have experience are maybe me and should be me because I deserved it too? I'm too greedy not to feel happy for other persons :( and I'm not happy because  this is me living on that attitude and I want to change it. yes because it's 2016 and everyone has been changing already. I'm not saying that I need to change because they're changing. I want to change for my own benefits and be a better person. when I'm able to be happy and accept what I have, I think that's the time that I can be contented and don't feel anything toward other people.

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Tuesday, November 10, 2015
I'm lost Posted at 4:15 AM 1 comments (+)

first, I was okay but suddenly I felt this way again. "that feelings" that I don't want to feel anymore. why is the hell happening to me? really, I'm asking this to myself. seriously it brings a lot of crap on me.  I'm worried about everything, about my life, about my future, and tons of issues back in manila.  really. I've felt lost and unwanted in so many ways. 

Bakit ganoon, hindi ako makuntento kung ano ang meron ako. hinahanap ko yung mga bagay na wala ako. nag-iisip ako ng malayo at pinangungunahan ko ang hinaharap. hindi ko maiwasan na wag mag isip at mag alala ng mga bagay bagay na  hindi ko naman dapat iniintindihin. pero hindi ko makuha na wag mag alala, Natatakot ako na baka dumating yung oras na lugmok na ako at hindi naman ako naging masaya.  

career wise, right now I felt lost, really - iniisip ko kung bakit hindi ko itinuloy yung pagiging nurse after collage at nung pumasa ako, kaya ngayon ang dami kong regrets. bakit pa kasi kailangan ko unahin yung pera kaysa sa gusto ko kaya ito ako ngayon naliligaw ako. for my past career, ni tingin ko hindi naman ako nag grow as perso. yung apat na taon ko sa accenture eh parang nasayang lang, ni hindi naman ako umangat, tapos biglang shift ako ng work career as nursing aide ang tanong okay ba at worth it? in some points okay naman eh, kaya lang di pa rin maalis sa isip ko na hindi pa din sapat yung kung anong meron ako ngayon since kailangan ko supportahan ang mga kapatid at pamilya ko. 

gusto kong maranasan yung maging okay sa lahat, maging stable sa lahat ng bagay. wala naman perpektong buhay, alam ko lahat ng tao may problema pero bakit ako nahihirapan? pakiramdam ko ang unfair, hindi ko na nga nagawa yung gusto ko sa buhay at nag iba na rin ako ng path para lang mag trabaho pero ganoon pa din. yung kaonteng pera na kinikita ko eh hindi pa din sapat para sa amin. ano ba naman yung maging stable ako sa trabaho at maging good provider ako sa bahay pero nahihiya ako sa pamilya ko. hindi ko sila mabigyan ng maganda at komportableng buhay. sarili kong kasiyahan hindi ko na din mahanap sa panahon na ito.

really, siguro sa lahat ng post ko dito sa blog na 'to mabibilang lang kung kailan ako naging masaya.  naiinis ako sa sarili ko kung bakit ako ganito.  Nagdadasal naman ako at nag papasalamat kay God regarding sa mga blessings ko. yes i'm Blessed in so many ways, minsan nga hindi ko nakikita yun at nahihiya ako kay God kasi puro na lang ako reklamo at hindi makontento. maswerte ako at nandito ako sa singapore nakaka pag trabaho pero iniisip ko hindi pa din sapat. ang dami kong gustong gawin sa buhay. ang dami king plano na hindi ko alam sa magsisimula. pag mag iisip ako ng plano at mag sisimulang maghanap ng way bigla naman mawawala yung kaonte kong pag asa. sabi naman ni abby kaya daw ako ganito kasi feeling ko wala akong makakapitan. siguro tama sya ni taong mag mamahal sakin wala nga eh. yung taong pwede kong makasabay mangarap at bumuo ng buhay. sa ganitong aspeto din alam ko naliligaw na din ako. nahihirapan na din ako makabalik at natatakot akong baka maiwan ako at manatili na lang doon.

I think I was challenged by God. Iniisip nya kung hanggang saan ako tatagal. alam ko pag subok lang to malalagpasan ko to. magiging matatag ako.  aasa at patuloy akong mangangarap :)

Please gusto ko mawala lahat ng agam agam sa puso ko. 

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~Random thoughts~

People's opinions of you does not define who you are. Everyone has different opinions of you. Instead of trying to please everyone else, be happy with who you are. And if someone isn't happy with who you are, that's life. Not everyone is going to like you, accept it and move on. And be the best you, you can be.