Sunday, January 29, 2017
God was taking for granted Posted at 11:45 PM 0 comments (+)

Time has come to the point that I need to let go. It's been almost 3 months giving my care to this random old man. I've felt so sad, sorry and happy for him. He was a very nice man, full of happiness and positivity in life. Life could be better for him if his family was united and whole. I didn't say that his life was miserable in fact Uncle was very lucky to reach his age now at 88 this year.

It just that, his family was divided with anger, jealousy and a deeper scar from the past. Uncle and auntie had a two children. According to auntie they were very happy before, a simple family of 4, auntie was a teacher and Uncle had a good position in technical world in media and considering as a government employee.

My experience with this case was rollercoaster and it challenged my faith, understanding and my personal emotion to deal with those people involved. Uncle had a main caregiver and that's his Daughter Rose Marie,She's around 50's, not married and she's been a full time caregiver since last year if I remembered right. I described her as a dedicated and a very involved person when it comes to uncle's health. A religious woman with a strong faith to God and I admired her because of that.  But there are some Instances that confused me about her attitude. First, she was very nice, vocal, and full of wisdom woman and she treats me well. In fact I like her although she's very talkative and she kept telling the same story all over again (but that's fine to me so I can practice my English hahaha)

It just happened that last November/December 2016, I raised my concerned to my managers about my Budget that was being stretched out the whole months. We went outside almost every day aside from my patient's original schedules.  Then when finally came to the point that my concern was being raised to her, I've been caught up in the middle. I just don't get it why my management didn't think about my situation. Yes they able to addressed my concern, but instead of pulling me out from this case without any fuss, it creates more issues and confrontations and I hate it. For me, my management can pull me out here by giving a more realistic alibi but they just put me in tough spot as well. From the day when Rose marie knew about the my concern, she was starting asking and interrogating me like I did a serious crime and that’s very uncomfortable on my part. She’s been very confrontational person and keen to grilled people on the spot. Yes I was nervous and gasping for words to explain my side to her, it seems not difficult to depend yourself to anyone as Long you know where you stand. But explaining yourself in front of Rose Marie was like being judged already by her own trial court. Well I believed that I explained well my side to her as far as I know.  I told her that there's something that I can’t say to her directly and not necessary for her to know it. I don't want them to adjust for me because I think too  much about my budget but instead, I need to adjust myself for them because they're my client.  And I also told her that aside from that, I don't have any issue at all since they were good to me. 

I just felt Attacked when her mood changed suddenly. She was fierce and talking to me with conviction. I can tolerate it as Long as she didn't play dirty at my back. Now she was eyeing with my flaws and pointing it out. She escalated quickly as those things are non-sense and superficial. How can you work when someone was always at you back and waiting for your wrongdoing? I'm just human, of course I forgot things and but it’s not necessary to report me because of it. I’m confident about my service and always did my best to delivered standard care to all my patients. It's saddened me because there are people out there who are very keen to push you on the cliff. Yes I fully understand her point that she has right to say about uncle’s welfare but as far as I know my care to all my patients was beyond what I can offer. Different story if you want to put someone in bad situation because he/she’s not on your side.

I felt Attacked when she tried to stop me from talking to auntie. She was rude to her own Mother and she wants me to be like her. It doesn't mean that if I talked to auntie I take sides too. Auntie was very nice and lovely old woman and I believed that talking to her was not wrong. From the moment she wants me to refrain from talking auntie was the time I'm taking her side and being involved on their family issues.

Probably I didn't understand her struggle being part of this family and her journey when she was young. Her scar from the past affects her relationship toward other people today. Maybe I'm not in pain like what she felt inside but I'm willing to listen like what I did. She was very fragile and delicate as what I noticed but for God sake she needs to open her mind and learn to accept her own flaws. She's very selfish, arrogant, close minded, and insensitive.  I don't want to be judgmental but I think she's not mentally unstable. The way she talked and treats an average people shows her rudeness and I see it as unacceptable treatment to anyone and we don't deserved it. Definitelly a bully.

I’m not judging her relationship with God. She goes to church almost every day and I witnessed her passion and devotions about her faith. It’s pretty obvious that her faith lifted her confidence, which no matter what happens, God with still forgive her and I truly agreed on that. But here’s the thing, and I asked her about this as well. Would anyone still do the same mistakes and if it’s valid to do it all over again because we know that God can forgive us? As Roman Catholic and my own perception about it, it’s more fulfilling that our soul are full with kindness and understanding for those people that you have met in your life. Meeting a random people in this world wouldn’t be just a coincident because I believed that every one of us had a purposed that we imparted to each other. Yes, maybe we encountered those people in a different situations and it could be in bad or in a wonderful moment. Let’s say meeting them in a worse and a bad situations and we are just a human being that probably our response will be in fight mode. Of course being in a harm situation we tend to defend ourselves but at least we think twice and assess if this all worth of our time and effort. Some of us we can just pass some of those things and carry on or at least raised our own concern in a nicest way and you know talked those people in calm way and as much as possible we don’t want to be mean and sarcastic dealing those bad situations.

Lesson: I realized that even how close we are to God we are still human. Committing mistakes and wrongdoing are pretty normal for us. Going to church did not make us holy as what other think. I’m so naïve that I thought that those people who go to church as often are good people. Yeah of course there’s some exemption about being tagged as Good people but at least the spirit of Christianity is being practice on a daily life and how you live with people around us/you. It’s so sad that God was taking for granted because we all think that he can save us from our sins because we prayed for him and asking him for forgiveness. But we failed him to live his teaching on a daily basis and we forgot to do what the masses preach every Sunday. I’m not perfect, I barely go to church every Sunday and definitely a sinner but at least I tried to be good and practice what Christianity is. I think Kindness, Love and Understanding nowadays are not common for all of us and what we forgot in this world full of uncertainly.

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Monday, January 16, 2017
Posted at 5:47 PM 0 comments (+)


Looking forward for new journey and Experience this year cheers! :)

Thursday, October 20, 2016
Marriage Posted at 7:12 PM 0 comments (+)

When we think that we're worth of love? Being In relationship, both of them should be committed to each other. (I was talking like I knew it well haha) I have a patient who lived at Jurong west. He's been diagnosed of kidney failure due to of diabetes. This  old man who's been married 3 times.. And sadly he failed his past 2 marriage and but I think he's happy for his current commitment on his latest Wife now.

He is too old and ill to be failed again. I ask him what happened to his past relationship and why he end up like this. He told me his first Wife left because that time he's been starting to be sick and during that days he's not financially stable and he got children to support.  And his second Wife was not emotionally stable to understand his situation and find another man to fulfill whatever she needs.

What my take for this. Based on what my patient's story. No matter what, love and relationship should be bonded with commitment and mostly understanding. Possibly love would faded in a Long run. There's a lot of factors why they end up to this kind of stage. But marriage should last forever from sickness and death.. I'm not judging the other side and I don't even know their story as well. But what we know about marriage is about togetherness throughout the hardship and they're meant to stay together no matter what. although  i don't know the real reason behind it.

What I've noticed about Uncle. He's very caring toward his Wife. Those Simple things make me think why he's past wives left him. He is ill now, but the point is, he still able to make an effort to prepare food for his Wife. This is something commendable right?  He's not like other patient who's fussy and short tempered because they're sick and fed up about their situation but this Uncle, he's  very sweet and caring about auntie in spite of his condition.

Love comes with responsibility. This just like power possessed by anyone of us. My deeper understanding about it might not the same as yours or to other people. But for me, It's a sharing of commitment and passion each day. I'm not here to judge those people who failed their marriage or people who's  easily gave up their promises because  they fell out of love. I guess the valid reason is when you're not happy anymore it would not be worth it to stay in that relationship and be victim of a one sided love, this will be against what I believe in but in every single thing there's an exception. Love is also about freedom and not holding to something that make you both Miserable. Letting go and moving on are the key of true love. Do you think it does make sense when I say, before you get into marriage both sides should be ready to take the responsibility and be together through out the difficulties. Fight and save your relationship until you can but when things turn hard for both of sides I Guess that's the time to let go. 

Disclaimer:  this is my own perspective. Not a love guru  :)

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Friday, August 5, 2016
Realization Posted at 7:53 PM 4 comments (+)

hello there! I had a good memories back in June. I'm been in Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam and that was a short trip because we were literally hopping to a different country in 6 days. it was a nice experience for me. and I will cherish those memories for my entire life because I didn't expect to travel to those places, although traveling was my greatest dream and but doing it in reality was kinda surreal and fulfilling because that's my hard earned money. And dude!traveling was everyone's dream and who's not right?! :)

 And how I wish going to different places is free. it's so nice doing those things you really like and make the most of it with yourself and your friends.

I got a lot of realization  while doing that tour.

*life is less serious when you choose to. just be happy and enjoy what you have. its not just about having a lot of money. yes?! probably money make us happy in a way, we can do whatever we want, buy those things we like and of course for us to be able to live and survive. but the more we try to chase the money or strive to have more than what we have tends to make us more vulnerable to be unhappy and unappreciated about single things. I know it's a frustration and depression because you/we are not able to have it, you/we felt that losing the chance is the same as losing our happiness lays on the money. probably I'm not the right person to tell this because I'm just 26yrs old and I'm still in the middle of my life and journeying what life could be for the next few years. I'm not YET successful and even have a stable and firm job to say these things and I'm also one of those people who are chasing after it and who's not? but like what I said LIFE IS LESS SERIOUS when we choose to. looking back to this statement maybe after years, I want to test myself if I would feel the same thing now versus later. well, we will see it. and see for my self. hehe I don't know why I'm doing this, why I'm saying these things.  it's so funny because I'm preaching about being happy without money or just being contended in spite of being struggling to have it more hehe ironic!  coming for me and coming to an average guy like me who's aiming to have nice, comfortable and unimaginably life because of the art of money is now stating these words and act as I'm not struggling  about  it

actually I admired to those people who been living in a simplest way. those people whose very dedicated to achieving their goals no matter what happened. I knew some of them personally and it makes me think why I don't have this kind of perseverance and will. yes!? i have goals and dreams but I have more time about worrying certain things and be depressed in quite sometimes. I have this attitude for the longest time. there's a time that I'm very motivated and very energetic to go after those goals and dreams but after a while, those mantras that I set on my mind was fading in every single day that had passed. but these people, their dedications has been never stopped in spite of achieving certain pleasure and rewards along the way. they still have the fire to get what they want. And that's very commendable and inspiring.

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Sunday, April 17, 2016
what makes you happy? Posted at 8:58 AM 2 comments (+)


What makes you happy?


What a dying person would think about this question? Is this question would define his/her existence before death occurs. 



What makes us realise how much time we actually had versus those people who's battling about their life Everyday..




I had a conversation to one person a few nights ago. She's a person who's actually dealing about her life Everyday. I didn't believe her until she explained about her condition. She got this terminal illness that shortened her life to a few or more years, let's say her life span is much shorter than the average person.  I didn't let her to talk or ask what was like her illness,  but according to her it runs to her family and she got it. She's been diagnosed two months before her 22years birthday.



I can't imagine how she feels like being diagnosed with this illness. My first time to hear this kind of struggle first hand from that person herself. This story gives me chills down my spine and fear somehow, fear for her? Fear for myself? What ifs etc 



After sharing her story to me, I was imagining how her life would be like after learning that she got it. It would be hard? Of course yes, even me having this kind of so called "crisis"  this would be a nightmare for me  and what more that she got it for real. So depressing for sure! She mentioned that she got this self mirror. I don't know what was that and what is for? Hmm maybe this medium is the way how she vent about her depression.



I asked her what makes her happy, she answered me back that was no particular things that make her happy. Practically what makes us happy are the same thing with her. Family, money, work, stress, being on bed to relax, all these things makes us happy but not as much happier than what she feels. All these things are normal stuff for us to fulfill the whole day but for her these things are precious memories that she's going to keep until the time of her death. 



I Asked her about her BUCKET LIST. For me living to a melodramatic world is like watching my favourite korean and local dramas. But I'm too naive about reality, about real life and how life supposed  to be for a normal people like her/us/me. Different perspective from a person diagnosed of a terminal illness and her life trapped on a time canister for a certain time period. For her , Having a bucket list couldn't be practical. For her view and she explained to me that what if she didn't make it to accomplish this list, you've have this feeling of regrets about not completing for something you supposed to do while you're still alive. Instead of dying happy, you die with full of regrets. Regretting isn't fulfilling after all and later on it hunts you for the next life, worse you become a lost soul 😐 this view really make sense for me and I realised "yeah, you have point" to make it change the ambiance about this convo, i tried to joke around by saying "you should have simple list, those attainable bucket list" hehe but then again i still don't know what's gonna be my own perspective until I'm experiencing the same situation like her.  can i overcome it the way how she accept it? Idk 😞



I was complaining about my life and what my future holds for me. And I didn't know there was someone  behind me battling for her life like a time bomb. How ironic that life would be unfair in so many way. I'm not here to judge life and the entire mystery of what life can give. I'm not contented and i will never be, because that's what life supposed to be... We have an endless needs,wishes,dreams,goals and mantrasI was complaining about my life and what my future holds for me. And I didn't know there was someone  behind me battling for her life like a time bomb. How ironic that life would be unfair in so many way. I'm not here to judge life and the entire mystery of what life can give. I'm not contented and I will never be, because that's what life supposed to be... We have an endless needs,wishes,dreams,goals and mantras but then again once we got all of these, we're starting again to strives for a new cycle of wishes and so on.. This is what I mean that's why I'm not contented but it doesn't mean that im not happy. Yes, I feel bad, stress, frustrated and failed about not achieving for what I want to get but these things are just a few stressors that make me a whole as a person. Eventually, life teaches me about realisation and like this conversation to someone who's totally stranger to me but then, life let me to know this person and other people around me as well.



Yes, this person got her balls that I suppose to have, because no matter what, she's able to live on her way and make herself adjusted  since life give her a very challenging role. I admire her for the courage, her perspective, strength and fighting spirit to overcome the twisted  plot that life imposed.



"Go with the flow" is the simplest things I've heard yet this statement is the most powerful.  I gotta do my things and be worried about tomorrow and I didn't realised  that I'm too drown out about my will to deal with life. Im not running out of time more than she does. I have a lot of time ahead of me than she had. So who am I to complain but instead I need to change my views and make my life easier and light. Be the simplest dude and yet keeps  the fire of aiming my dreams :) 



Hey you lady! If ever you've read this! I salute and admire you. I know whatever you feel and what illness you had, you're stronger than it.  I will keep in mind whatever    Views and realisation that you have shared with me. :)

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Misjudge Posted at 8:00 AM 0 comments (+)


Last time I got this client in Tampines and somehow this family give me a hard time and fear.

😖 here's the story..


I can believe that they complained about me for some unreasonable matter.  



1.  Using my phone : I don't think that was wrong because first,  that moment I have to ask my colleague  about the contact  number of other NA who's been doing the service last time.  I just want to ask her about the routine. Okay I admit it,  using phones at work will be an issue to any institution but then they can just ask me first why I did it or let me explain my side. After my supervisor informed me abt the complain, i tried to confront the Daughter abt their  issue and for God sake, this old woman denied it. So funny that she can't even tell straight on my face 😏😒



2.  Using new tissue paper to get the used one : this complaint was totally a bullshit, technically I should used gloves because that tissue was contaminated from my patient body's  fluids and I don't know why the other NA didn't do the same thing or why she tolerated that routine. I asked the daughter to give me plastic bag so,  uncle can just drop the used tissue in it but the funny thing the Daughter answer me back that there was no place to hang it?! Seriously? I can put it right anywhere near from her father because he keep dropping whatever fluids from his nose and she expect me to touch it and pretend that's nothing to me. 



3. Uncle was not satisfied after I took him on shower : me was like "wtf! Are they seriously?" 😒 I've been here in Singapore for 2years and they just accused me for not doing my job well,  i wanna confront them and ask them one by one, actually im just there to teach uncle not to be dependent.



4.  Reading book :  I guess they expect me to stare at the wall and wait till the  time i need to go home. Seriously! What's wrong about reading my book and that time Uncle was standing at the window for 10mins and im just seated few steps behind him and I checked him every now and then after that he seated on the couch while watching TV.  Im trying to say, its all dead time, there's nothing to do. so, what's wrong about it.



5. Be aware of me/Dangerous guy:
Yes! They judged me for real and I don't know what's their reason behind that judgment. Really!?do I looked like Gangster? Even I am, is that a valid reason to judge someone by how he looks like. Besides they just know me for a day. My conclusion is one of the Daughter (old maiden) maybe scared to be rape by me. Hahaha omg I'm also picky tho and over my sexy  body she's not even worth it to be rape by anyone haha (sorry im mean)



Moral lesson: Humans are rude. A highest form of animal tend to be a superior at its finest. Come on! We are all human and I'm talking as a part of this species. So, why we can't be understanding. I admitted that me as well, sometimes I tend to be rude to anyone but as much as possible I tried my best not to be and incase I am , by the end of the day I have this regret that I show up my weakness by being rude and inhuman.  Funny thing that I felt bad for being judged by strangers but  the other way around I'm also like them. Consciously or unconsciously for sure I bullied someone without knowing it.  

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Saturday, April 2, 2016
Randomness Posted at 8:37 PM 0 comments (+)

Random day! i was thinking to find a Job online but I'm so lazy to do it :p beside I'm still waiting for my application In SGH (Singapore General Hospital) I'm applying for Nursing aide or healthcare assistant but the HR personnel asked me if I can be assigned for different Job opening, so Who am I to say no. I mean right now and the state of my life for this very moment, haha I can't be choosy and picky about work. I'm so hopeless right? well,  that's life and I need to deal with it.  

And about this Job Application, I didn't share this to anyone of my colleagues. Friends? or even to dennis :( hmmm This thing makes me selfish. Because I was thinking what if they're been hired and I'm left alone. sorry for being so selfish and not being so true friend and I'm guilty. anyway I hope things will be okay soon and if I succeed I'm going to share this to dennis. :) I'm not that bad not to share this to anyone. well life is life. in reality we need to be wise and smart and if life required to be rude and tough well, we should need to... 

anyway, this might be one of my journey and hopefully I can get throught this. And all of my dreams will be on the same page. I have a lot of things that i want to do. I wanted to try all those weird things in earth. How I wish I have powers to switch myself to different places and be wild as I can. hehe (Day dreaming dude:>) those inspiring travel Video Blogs are killing me hahaha but it's so fun to watched it. I was like there and enjoying their moment too haha yes! this is a typical day dreaming.  I never get tired to watched those VBlogs because it brings happiness to me whenever I watched them. and I'm also addicted to kpops trends and Korean drama again. I have a plenty of time to watched their music videos on Youtube and I can't be tired as hell. hahaha.

hey! days passed so fast. How cool it was right? haha or this is weird having a sudden rush of time and we suddenly noticed that we were nearly in the middle of the year hehe. How I wish that time will pause and enjoy every bit of it. like wanna go to beach, hiking or shopping and those days will never end like an infinite time line. just to able to have a never ending happiness. :) how cool it sounds right? 

DREAMER 


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Be crazy. Be weird. Don't be afraid of what anybody thinks.

‡Gilbert/25/Singapore-Phil‡


This blog may contain typos or some errors in grammar:)
Welcome to my world of ramblings as well as my daily life journal. So here you will find post about life,experiences,random ideas and dramas.


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~Random thoughts~

People's opinions of you does not define who you are. Everyone has different opinions of you. Instead of trying to please everyone else, be happy with who you are. And if someone isn't happy with who you are, that's life. Not everyone is going to like you, accept it and move on. And be the best you, you can be.