Today I got some news from Gladys, and I’ve been thinking about it the whole day. She told me that Azard and Mr. Sameer will probably be the ones sent to Switzerland or Denmark for the Tempus training. And honestly… I didn’t know what to feel at first. My brain kinda froze for a second.

Part of me wasn’t surprised. I mean, I already expected that I might not be the one they’d choose since I’m not an engineer. But when Gladys asked me if Mr. Sameer was an engineer and I said no, I had to laugh like, so why is it such a big deal when it comes to me, right? It made me feel a little weird. I can’t lie, the moment she said it, something inside me sank a bit.

I’m the product specialist for Sarstedt, and sometimes I feel like that should count for something. Even if I’m not an engineer, I still handle the product, the clients, the whole follow-up. So yeah… it felt a bit like a slap in the face that they didn’t even consider me. It’s like being indirectly told that I’m not “worth sending,” you know? That kind of quiet invalidation stings in a way that’s hard to explain.

But then there’s the other side of me  the tired, realistic, older version of myself that was actually relieved. I’m in that phase in life where extra work doesn’t excite me anymore. Sometimes it even irritates me, and I hate that it does, but it’s just where I am right now. So the idea of not having to take on one more training, one more responsibility… honestly that part of me felt okay. Like, “Good. Less stress. Keep my salary, keep my peace.”

Still… I can’t pretend there isn’t a part of me dreaming a little. Because who wouldn’t want to go to Switzerland or Denmark, right? Those are places I don’t think I’d ever get to visit easily on my own. Opportunities like this don’t come often, and a small part of me was hoping maybe this time it would be me. Not even for the training but just the experience, the feeling of going somewhere new, somewhere I never imagined I’d step foot in.

And that’s where the conflict is. I’m okay with not being chosen, but I’m also sad about it in a way I didn’t expect. It’s like feeling two emotions at the same time  calm and disappointed. Mature and insecure. Content but also questioning my worth. I guess that’s normal, right? Or maybe I’m just overthinking again, as usual.

I keep asking myself if feeling invalidated is reasonable or if I’m just being dramatic. But maybe both can be true. Maybe it’s valid to feel this way and still know that life goes on.

So yeah, that’s where my head is at today. A little confused, a little hurt, a little relieved… just a whole mix of emotions. Life is funny like that,

 

Labels: emotions, maldives, office, rant

 A quick trip to Laamu Gan—it’s not my first time here, but every visit seems to bring a little moment of reflection. Even in such a short time, this island has a way of making me think about life. I love the beach here; it’s stunning and peaceful. Some of the locals are really kind, but I’ve also had my fair share of not-so-great experiences. I still can’t forget my first time here for work and how rude some of the hospital staff were to me.

Back then, I seriously doubted whether I could make it through life here in the Maldives. I kept second-guessing if this job was even the right fit for me. But looking at it now, it’s clear I’ve come a long way.

By the way, this trip feels unnecessary. I’m not sure why my boss tagged me along, especially since I’ve already done several training sessions at the hospital. Plus, these people have so many complaints about the product. Sometimes I really ask myself, why am I eve
n doing this? Lol.

Labels: maldives, office, work

Some people feel the need to give unsolicited opinions, even when what they’re saying could be hurtful. Sure, it might be true, but for goodness’ sake, if you don’t have something kind to say, just don’t say anything at all. It might seem funny to you, but take a moment—think three times—about whether it’ll be funny to the person on the receiving end.

Making fun of someone’s appearance is beyond rude and insensitive. I can’t imagine ever doing that to someone. How can you shatter someone’s confidence just because you haven’t experienced their journey? It’s cruel, plain and simple.

Addy is honestly one of the worst people I know. He’s done this so many times—always has something to say about my appearance. And the thing is, I’d never do that to anyone, not even to him, because it’s just not kind. At the very least, have the decency to act like a decent human being. Oh well, I guess that’s just how he was raised.

And LOL, I still can’t figure out what his deal is. Why call out my skin texture? Yeah, it’s not perfect, and it’s never going to be perfect, but why even bring it up? He didn’t just mention it—he had to emphasize how “damaged” it is. Like, really? Hahaha. He even said something like, “You have damaged skin even though you use tons of skincare.” I was just sitting there, thinking, WTF is wrong with you, dude? That moment wanna punch his mouth ..

To be honest, I was so pissed at that moment. I could literally feel the heat rising from the back of my neck all the way to my head. I was sitting there wishing the ground would just swallow me whole, questioning my existence, like, Is this really happening right now?

I honestly have no words for this kind of person. There was a time when I’d feel so guilty even thinking something negative about him, but not anymore. No more regrets now.

Labels: maldives, office, work

You know what's funny and frustrating at the same time? People in the office expect so much from me just because I'm a nurse. They think I can diagnose someone instantly, as if I'm supposed to have all the answers right away! LOL. And on top of that, they expect me to go the extra mile if someone is sick in the office. Why should I stress myself out over things I can't control?

Recently, one of my colleagues was hospitalized with dengue, and many of my officemates have been really invested and busy looking after him, which is nice of them. I visited him too, but I can't spend all my time at the hospital taking care of him. Our accountant, a Sri Lankan guy, has been particularly mean and always makes derogatory jokes about it. He says things like, "You're the nurse here; you should do this and that." Most of the time, I don't find it funny—it's actually really annoying. I have my own responsibilities, and if I help out, it's because I want to, not because I'm told to. This person has been particularly toxic for me.

The other day, Amila was having knee pain, and Addy pointed me out, saying, "Oh, here's Gilbert, he's a nurse," implying that I should take a look. So I started assessing Amila, asking about the pain—how it felt, if he did anything before the pain started, if it was a constant pain, and so on. They weren't taking me seriously and thought I was just messing around. It was mind-blowing how clueless they were about how diagnoses are supposed to work. You can't just say something without properly assessing the person.

I'm not the best nurse, but I'm trying to be good at this profession. However, I'm not even practicing nursing here to begin with.

Labels: maldives, office, work

Now, I'm finally back in the Maldives. After everything that happened over the past three weeks, returning here doesn't feel any different from the challenges I've faced in recent days, especially with that lingering not-so-good feeling. I was hoping for a fresh new start, treating this comeback as the beginning of a new journey after all the setbacks, emotional turmoil, and mental exhaustion but not that the case…

As soon as I landed in the Maldives, things got a bit annoying. At the airport, the staff insisted I fill out the travel declaration again because apparently, the one I had prepared had expired. It was a bit of a hassle, but manageable. The real frustration kicked in when another staff member asked me to join the regular line instead of getting some priority.

Later, at the taxi stand, local folks were quoting sky-high fares, and to top it off, they preferred dollars over the local currency (MVR). What really got on my nerves was their pickiness in choosing passengers and turning down rides that weren't going their way. Dealing with this, which felt like a scene from Manila, left me seriously irritated.

Dealing with all these issues is seriously getting on my nerves. So, my housemate, without even asking, decides they want to switch my bunk bed with their old one. Totally unnecessary. I mean, my bunk bed is way more practical, especially because I can use the top part for storage, and let's face it, my room is not exactly spacious. And guess what? They plan to make this switch right after I come back from my holiday? Seriously, couldn't they have considered that I might be tired from traveling and not in the mood to rearrange everything in my room? This guy is beyond inconsiderate. I still remember how he left me to assemble the bunk bed by myself before, and now he's expecting me to do it all over again.

Last night, they were busy assembling their bed, blocking the toilet in the process, so I couldn't even use it. I ended up going to bed without even having a shower. Super frustrating. They just don't think things through. I'm trying to keep my cool and let it slide because stressing about it won't make things any better. It would only make things more complicated. But I swear, that guy from Bangladesh is seriously pushing my patience to the limit.

Finally, I muster up the courage to tell them I don't want their bed, and I prefer to keep my bunk bed. The look on the Bangladesh guy's face was pretty amusing, I could tell he was annoyed that I didn't take their bed. Dealing with all this—bed assembling and the toilet trouble last night—it's just adding unnecessary stress to my life.

I've been facing quite a bit of pressure lately with both the ticking clock and people around me constantly testing my patience. I'm really putting in the effort to stay cool, but there are times when I just want to throw in the towel, let my emotions take over, and deal with the aftermath later. It's just so exhausting.

And then there's this indian guy, Lab in charge, who seems to have a direct line to my time and energy whenever he feels like it. I'm all for helping out, but it's gotten to the point where it feels like he's cashing in on my kindness. I've got my own workload, personal plans, and let's face it, sometimes I just want to chill and not be bothered. Plus, he's acting like I have my own bike to zip around this supposedly small island of Maldives. Yeah, it's tiny, but not walk-everywhere tiny.

The tricky part is, I can't really say much about it. I feel like I've got to suck it up because this guy works in the hospital, and he's well aware that I might need his help. It's like he's taking advantage of the situation, and it's becoming a real struggle to handle it all.

Back at my desk in the office, I can't help but feel a bit off whenever our sales director is around. He's got this vibe, you know? On one hand, I appreciate not having to engage in small talk, which I'm not a fan of, but on the other hand, it makes me feel somewhat isolated and unimportant in the office. I’m so weird

Feeling a bit bummed, especially considering I had hoped to come back to the Maldives proudly say I got my USRN license and planning my next move. Reality check: that's not happening. Instead, I find myself stuck here, grinding away at work, and gearing up for another round of Nclex exam prep. Not exactly the post-holiday scenario I had in mind, and it's a bit of a downer but that’s what it is.

Can’t do anything about it but to stay like this and just go with the flow

Labels: maldives, office

~on my first day on recep i've fell the mug while finding for something. and it broke into pieces. haha and i'm in a hurry to cleaned it. i think that is a goodluck sign for me hahaha and i hope so! 

this week run so fast. i had lot of call outs PHRN, USRN. FINANCIAL RISK ANALYST  and for OFFER and you named it. darn* the annoying things here, they're just giving this task when its too late. like an hour to go before my shifts. this really annoying and gives me a headache to finished it. specially if its a job offer so i need to complete those slot for scheduled offer on the ff. day. >_< oh well one recruiter had that bad habit. (no need to dropped name) hmmmm. kakaiinis lang talaga. since this time i'm not allowed to rendered over time.~

Labels: friendship, march, office, treat, week, work