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Thursday, November 27, 2025

Okay… But Also Not Okay Posted at November 27, 2025 0 comments (+)

Today I got some news from Gladys, and I’ve been thinking about it the whole day. She told me that Azard and Mr. Sameer will probably be the ones sent to Switzerland or Denmark for the Tempus training. And honestly… I didn’t know what to feel at first. My brain kinda froze for a second.

Part of me wasn’t surprised. I mean, I already expected that I might not be the one they’d choose since I’m not an engineer. But when Gladys asked me if Mr. Sameer was an engineer and I said no, I had to laugh like, so why is it such a big deal when it comes to me, right? It made me feel a little weird. I can’t lie, the moment she said it, something inside me sank a bit.

I’m the product specialist for Sarstedt, and sometimes I feel like that should count for something. Even if I’m not an engineer, I still handle the product, the clients, the whole follow-up. So yeah… it felt a bit like a slap in the face that they didn’t even consider me. It’s like being indirectly told that I’m not “worth sending,” you know? That kind of quiet invalidation stings in a way that’s hard to explain.

But then there’s the other side of me the tired, realistic, older version of myself that was actually relieved. I’m in that phase in life where extra work doesn’t excite me anymore. Sometimes it even irritates me, and I hate that it does, but it’s just where I am right now. So the idea of not having to take on one more training, one more responsibility… honestly that part of me felt okay. Like, “Good. Less stress. Keep my salary, keep my peace.”

Still… I can’t pretend there isn’t a part of me dreaming a little. Because who wouldn’t want to go to Switzerland or Denmark, right? Those are places I don’t think I’d ever get to visit easily on my own. Opportunities like this don’t come often, and a small part of me was hoping maybe this time it would be me. Not even for the training but just the experience, the feeling of going somewhere new, somewhere I never imagined I’d step foot in.

And that’s where the conflict is. I’m okay with not being chosen, but I’m also sad about it in a way I didn’t expect. It’s like feeling two emotions at the same time calm and disappointed. Mature and insecure. Content but also questioning my worth. I guess that’s normal, right? Or maybe I’m just overthinking again, as usual.

I keep asking myself if feeling invalidated is reasonable or if I’m just being dramatic. But maybe both can be true. Maybe it’s valid to feel this way and still know that life goes on.

So yeah, that’s where my head is at today. A little confused, a little hurt, a little relieved… just a whole mix of emotions. Life is funny like that,

Labels: emotions, maldives, office, rant

Tuesday, October 14, 2025

Obsessed With My Face Posted at October 14, 2025 0 comments (+)

My colleague seems so obsessed with my face. I honestly don’t get it. Like, why do my pimple marks bother him so much? Every time we talk or have any kind of interaction, he somehow manages to bring up how “bad” my skin looks. LOL. Should I feel offended? Well… it depends on my mood. But most of the time, yeah, I am because obviously, I know what my face looks like. It’s my skin, my body. He acts like I’m not aware of it but trust me, I am. Probably even more than he is.

He keeps recommending products or remedies like I’ve never tried anything before. Little does he know how many skin care routines, treatments, and home remedies I’ve gone through over the years. He has no idea.

What really pisses me off is the way he talks as if I’m dirty or clueless. Maybe it’s just me, but that’s how it comes across. His “concern” feels more like judgment. He’s lucky to have clear skin, that’s all I can say.

Having this whole internal conversation with myself feels so absurd like, why am I even letting this petty thing bother me? But honestly, this guy is really getting under my skin. If I could avoid him, I absolutely would.

He’s actually a nice guy in general, maybe just a little too curious about me and my face. But come on, he’s a grown man some things just shouldn’t be talked about so casually, especially when it’s about someone else’s appearance. I mean, you can comment, sure, but at least do it in a way that doesn’t make the other person feel offended or small.

And the funny part? My skin isn’t even that bad anymore. It’s so much better than it used to be. But every time he points something out about it, it just ruins my mood sometimes even my whole day. It’s exhausting when someone keeps reminding you of the one thing you’ve already made peace with.

Why are some people so dumb that they can’t even be nice sometimes? I’m always trying to be kind to them, and they still manage to surprise me.

Labels: rant, skin

Wednesday, April 30, 2025

How Selfish Posted at April 30, 2025 0 comments (+)

Honestly, it’s been really frustrating dealing with a colleague who keeps making things harder than they need to be especially over something that wasn’t even my responsibility to begin with. I only got involved because I’m the one communicating directly with the client, so I naturally want things to go smoothly.

I already understand how the sponsorship process works he actually explained it the other day. But honestly, that conversation should’ve happened a long time ago. I even sent an email weeks ago about the sponsorship, and he never mentioned that I needed a specific letter for documentation. Now he’s bringing it up when it’s already too late to act on it properly.

What’s tough is that I’m the one dealing with the client, and I don’t want to feel them that were ignoring them. Amila really gets under my skin sometimes he acts like he doesn’t want to help, and it comes off as selfish. I get that he doesn’t want to be too involved in the financial stuff, and that’s fine, but is it really too much to ask for a little heads-up or support?

He had the information way before I did. Things like printing the letter, getting it signed, and placing it on the right desk should really fall under his role in the accounting department. It just feels unfair to be left to figure things out last minute when it could’ve been a quick handoff if there had been better communication.

Labels: maldives, rant, work

Friday, March 7, 2025

When Saying No Isn’t Really an Option Posted at March 07, 2025 0 comments (+)

I find it so strange when people become entitled because of their social status. When they recognize their position and superiority over others, they often disregard personal space and time. Their toxic traits are impossible to ignore. While these individuals may have the qualities of a good leader, that doesn’t justify acting entitled just because they hold power over others.

One day, my boss asked me to tag along after work to a local soccer match, just to take pictures. I didn’t mind doing it once, but of course, once wasn’t enough. Without hesitation, he asked me to come again as if I had no choice in the matter. The game was set for 11 PM, and I had to leave with them by 10 PM, just imagine how much of my time was wasted on something I wasn’t even interested in. Sure, people might argue that I could simply say no, but let’s be real intelligent people can read between the lines. When you're the boss, there's an unspoken pressure, and saying no isn’t always as easy as it seems. I just wish leadership came with more awareness. power and authority should be exercised with consideration for those below them.

Labels: experience, maldives, rant, work

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Alter Ego - don't waste your time on a needless anger Posted at April 15, 2015 3 comments (+)

This is my alter ego and actually I want to be bad as them. About my Facebook post that “I don’t hate people who hate me" well that's a lie - I want to hate them as they hate me! I'm just a human capable to feel bad and getting hurt. Social media is a part of yourself that you want to show to an entire world. A big lie that you want to portray on another side of the world. Social media is full of story and some of the stories aren't even true or half way of lie. But, of course, there still half of people out there are not even bother to tell their story, feelings, heartbreaks, thoughts, problems and their lives. But for me, what will you get it being a storyteller of your own story, especially if that story is not good story at all - people tend to judge you even not knowing you well, they sees you as a pathetic somebody who's seeking for attention. They even talking about you behind your back because you give them rights to do it. I'm sure most of us (including me) did this, having a hot topic about your Facebook friend, real friend or colleagues or a family when we see his/her rant on Facebook, we can't help it but to say what's our point of view about the message that he/ she posted online. I'm avoiding this kind of judgement or better yet if they talking about me it's because they see that I'm happy and seems everything was fine. I don't want them to talk me behind my back like I'm an a loser and mostly I don't want to know them that I been experiencing a bad life or being stuck on my own issue. Sometimes life is being tough for me and reality, I have this issue that makes me sad sometimes, not everyone is capable to understand but you know what, no one want to be treated like a shit and my defence mechanism is to act happy. I'm happy somehow but still, there's a time that I have a bad day and people who make me feel that I'm not enough. As much as I want to shout it loud because I'm hurt so badly. Want to hate them as much as they hate me but I can't :(

Maybe a few people like me feels the same way I feel or do this kind of shit. I want to show them that I'm okay nor I feel that I'm satisfied with life, that I'm strong enough to face everything, things or someone has a capacity to hurt me badly. I'm not a bulletproof to don't feel this nonsense stuff. But you know what?! This "nonsense" makes me weak and even loss myself confident. Happiness is what we’re looking for. Achieved it and feel it, maybe things will turn different when we have this happiness.

I have a friend here. She's older than us and I treat her like a family. We had a lot of good times together with my other friend. She's helping us, give us food, company, confidante, money, and a figure of a mom. I know her for a couple of months and I can say that she's a good person because she treated us like his own child and a good mother to her own child and she kept telling me that she can share whatever she have. I have a good feelings for her, we joke around and I share some of my dilemma to her and also her, she tells me her thoughts and views about other people and I keep it because I'm also like her, sometimes I talked about another people or a friend of mine, not to make story or even make that person bad because my own issue about him/her. But because I want to share my feelings and ask for advice from her. I'm not perfect not to feel bad that's why I need someone who I can talk to.

But suddenly she changed?! One time, over the phone conversation she drops a joke about me. Yes? Somehow I felt bad because a few days ago, she keeps telling about this thing and make me believe that she's not even believing it and she respect me the way how I respect her. This joke is overrated for me - actually this means nothing really! - (about being gay - I don't know where in earth they think that I am? Because I'm not) anyway after the joke, I say " ate Hindi naman ganoon yun eh" and I keep depending myself and a nice way actually the whole time I'm laughing and not even feel bad that moment because I know her, she used to joke around. But suddenly she says "you're still keep talking huh?!" And I stop talking and she start teasing me again and she drops the call. All I know were okay and the following day I tried to call her but she didn't answer. After I got home, my friend ask me what happened to us because ate Gigi is mad at me because I did something to her? Actually I don't even know what my fault was. I don’t know why she's doing this to me? I tried to call her after a week to clear things between us. She keeps talking that I lied to her. And I ask her what that was, don't know what she's talking about because I don't have any idea about it and she drop the call.

Sometimes I ask myself if I deserve this. Because I've been a good friend to her. As much as possible I've been honest with her. If I lied I'm sure that's a good lie. Unconsciously I lied somehow because it for the better. I never ask her about honestly because I know she lied also, in so many ways she tried to lie and I understand it as long as her personal life I don't want to be detailed about it because she needs privacy that's why she lied. But me? I don't even remember the time I lied to her. I'm sure that I'm not guilty.

I'm attached to her, I thought we're a friend - I know her. I know behind my back she's talking about me with Dennis. The same thing she did to Dennis before and I'm guilty because we did it together, but me I'm just trying to release my bad feelings for him before but it doesn't me that I hate him. Is It that normal right? To feel bad about those people around you if they hurt you unconsciously and Dennis did it before and that time I was looking for someone who I can tell it. Since we're been together from the start, I'm badly hurt when Dennis prioritised another people, but still I'm matured enough to overcome it and there were things that should be kept on ourselves no need for confrontation and beside we're still friends. But Ate Gigi, there's a time that I feel that she want us to fight. She's keep telling me about what Dennis told to her and teasing me to speak out, but I chose to be matured and let it go, I know Dennis, maybe unconsciously he did it and I believe that he doesn't mean it.

After all, I didn't say anything about her to Dennis because I want to remain what we have. Now things change?! She's not even talking to me like I'm the one guilty and it makes me sad because I really don't know what's going on with us. She hates me and I don't want to hate her but because she keeps doing things that make me stupid like calling Dennis beside me and not even asking to talk to me, now I start to feel bad for her. I know anger is not a good choice but how come, I really feel bad and hurt. and I tried to understand her.

Sometimes being attached to someone is not a good choice. Days come that you might feel that you were cheated, betrayed, broken, and left behind. Now a days, great friendship is hard to find. And if you find one somewhere you don't know, well you are lucky enough to have it - friendship is not about age gap, status, gender and how rich you are, it’s about communication, understanding, acceptance and unconditional love. And to this generation people like me is now afraid to invest any emotion to stranger but I'm still hoping to meet other people and make a friend because that's me, no matter what happened I will be glad to get a chance to know other. I'm a type of person that careless, kind, understanding, honest, and as much as possible I want to share my life with them.

Another story, I felt bullied in our own company. And it started with one staff there. She's Chinese local Singaporean. From the start she makes me feel that I'm different from the two other guys, one of them is Dennis. I didn't anything to hate me and there was no reason to bully other people. So many times that she makes me feel stupid, she let the other two guy to go early and let me go until the end of shift, that's bullshit! I want to tear her up and beat her until she can't able to walk. Favouritism or being flirt is not appropriate to any institutions. It plays of being one sided and not fair to everybody, I am speaking right now because I'm bullied and I hate her. This seems be superficial but if you were in my position, I'm sure you would also feel what I feel right now. I’m kind of person that can easy to get along, but sometimes I'm not in mood to socialize, I rather to do my thing than to talk. I don’t know, lately I felt that everybody around me is fake. I don't get the point why I felt this way, since I'm being real to anyone, sometimes it’s better to pretend, but that's not me.

Anyway, that's their problem at all. After all, I used to it to be like this. There are still people out there that will judge me, no matter how real I am, no matter how good I am and by the end of the day their own opinion about me will matter and so am I! About the post on Facebook that “don’t waste time for a needless anger" this is fit for me. I write this rant to express my feelings, still, this medium is also a social media but not like in Facebook, everyone there know me (at least my name) here I can express my thoughts to someone who doesn't even know me. Seriously! I hate people who hate me for the time being. After that, I know how to move on. Hahaha I'm still human, capable of anything. But I tried to appreciate goodness to everyone.

Labels: anger management, bully, feelings, friend, hates, life, ofw, rant, Singapore