Today marks my 35th birthday, and it feels like just
yesterday I was in my twenties. Now here I am, stepping into 35 years of life.
It’s both surreal and bittersweet to realize how quickly time flies.
What really hits me is the thought of my mom aging alongside
me. She’s now double my age—she had me in her 30s—and it terrifies me to think
that everyone I hold dear is growing older, too. Time seems so relentless
sometimes.
But amidst all these reflections, I feel incredibly blessed.
The life I have right now is overflowing with blessings, far more than I could
ever deserve. God has been so good to me, not just in the past but also in the
present. I have no doubt that His grace will continue to guide me in the years
ahead.I’m far from perfect and have so much more to learn about
life. Lately, I’ve come to realize that life is a long journey, yet during
times of struggle, pain, problems, and shortcomings, it becomes clear just how
short it truly is. Life feels long on normal days, but when I pause to reflect,
it’s astonishing how quickly everything unfolds—often faster than I realize in
the moment.
These past few weeks, I’ve been so worried about my Ninang
Nelia. It breaks my heart to think about everything she’s going through because
of her illness—the burden it places on her physically, mentally, spiritually, and
financially.
My cousin, John Paul, has been nothing short of amazing. His
dedication, love, and commitment to his parents are truly inspiring. He’s been
their rock through all of this, and I admire him so much for his strength.
My birthday wish this year is for my Ninang to find relief
and healing, to overcome this challenging phase in her life, and for John Paul
to be granted the courage and strength to keep going. I hope better days are
ahead for both of them.
Dear Lord, Please guide and bless the people I love—my mom, my siblings, my
nephews and nieces, and everyone close to my heart. Watch over them, keep them
safe, and surround them with Your love and grace.
This isn’t my personal experience, but it resonates with me
how strange and powerful words can be. I’ve known this person for a few years.
While we don’t have a deep connection as friends, I got used to talking to him,
mostly through chat. He’s a bit odd, sometimes even seeming erratic, and I’ve
caught myself thinking he might have some kind of personality disorder.
The way he interacts with others and the words he uses are
often inappropriate and unsettling. It’s just… strange.
I’ve even tried giving him advice on how to act and treat
people properly, but he insists on doing things his own way. That’s his
problem—he’s stubborn. Despite his age, he’s still fearful of certain things
and has a lot of personal inhibitions.
Recently, we had what I thought was a good conversation, but
looking back, maybe not. He was just laid off from his job after working at the
company for seven years, and I could tell he was devastated. But honestly, he
brought it on himself. He’s been toxic at work, constantly talking nonsense,
using derogatory language, and provoking others. When I asked him about it, he
just said he was “being himself.” I couldn’t help but think, “Seriously, what
the hell?”
I’ve always given him advice, but I don’t think he ever
really takes it in. Now, he's planning to go to Dubai because he has no other
option, but before all this, he was full of himself—constantly telling everyone
he was ready to quit anytime, even cursing the company. What happened to him
now feels like pure karma, needless to say. He used to show off, bragging about
his thousands of dollars, completely absorbed in his own ego. I can only hope
he’s learned something from all this, though I doubt it.
The ironic part is that he’s going to Dubai to try to get
back with his ex. She dumped him because he couldn't make the move to Dubai on
his own, and I get it—he didn’t take the risk for her, so honestly, he deserved
to be dumped in the first place. Now he’s trying to fix things, but it’s hard
to say if he’s realized his mistakes.
Taking this chance to be with his ex seems like a red flag.
I even asked him why he didn’t take the chance earlier, and he finally admitted
that he felt insecure. Her family is well-established, and he felt like he
didn’t measure up because of where he is in life.
I guess I can understand him on that point, but I told him
it doesn’t really matter. The important thing is that the girl was willing to
be with him. His ego, though, seems bigger than his intentions, and that’s what
makes the whole situation so doubtful. It seems like he’s not really into her;
he’s more excited about the idea of going to Dubai and is using that as an
opportunity. The situation isn’t what it appears—he’s not going there with the
true intention of being with her. He’s more in love with the convenience of it
all than with the person herself.
The most satisfying moment in life often comes after
enduring immense effort, countless sleepless nights, racing thoughts, and the
aching desire for something that feels just out of reach. It’s not that you
lose faith, but the journey ahead can sometimes seem endless, as though the
goal remains a distant dream no matter how hard you try. You wrestle with
self-doubt, wondering if it’s all worth it. But then, after all the struggles,
after all the moments where giving up seemed easier, you finally reach the
goal. The sense of freedom that follows is overwhelming, as if a weight you’ve
carried for so long is finally lifted.
The path to success is never smooth. It's filled with obstacles,
challenges, and moments that test your resilience in ways you could never have
imagined. Rejections and setbacks pile up, making you question whether the
sacrifice will ever pay off. But deep down, there is this belief that someday,
all of this will be worth it. Even when the road feels uncertain, the important
thing is to give your best, to keep moving forward, and to show up for
yourself, no matter the circumstances.
People often say, “If it’s meant for you, it will happen.”
While there is some truth to this, it doesn’t mean you should sit back and wait
for fate to unfold. Prayers, faith, and hard work are all intertwined. Our
destiny is shaped not just by fate, but by the efforts we put in, the
determination we show, and the way we navigate life’s challenges. It is our
belief in ourselves, our relentless pursuit of our dreams, and the strength of
our faith that move mountains.
No matter how impossible things may seem, there’s a power in
believing—in knowing that with faith, perseverance, and unwavering
determination, anything is possible. Prayers really do move mountains, and with
each step, no matter how small, you get closer to the life you’ve been fighting
for. The key is to never stop believing in the beauty of what’s possible.
The people around us play a crucial role in helping us
overcome life’s challenges. Their support, encouraging words, genuine
affirmation, and pure intentions are some of the most valuable sources of
energy we can draw from. This positive energy fuels our determination and desire
to keep moving forward, even when the road seems tough. The universe, in its
mysterious ways, provides us with these connections to help propel us toward
our goals.
That’s why it’s so important to be intentional about the
people you surround yourself with. Choose those who genuinely uplift you, those
whose presence brings out the best in you, and who are invested in your growth.
It’s not about having a large circle but about having the right people in your
corner—people who are aligned with your values and your journey. It’s okay if
that circle is small; sometimes, a few genuine companions can make all the
difference. Trust your instincts, follow your gut, and listen to your heart
when it comes to building your support system.
And when you do reach that moment of success, it’s more than
okay to celebrate. Many of us, myself included, sometimes hold back from fully
embracing our accomplishments. We may feel a small hesitation or even guilt
about taking pride in our success, as if celebrating too loudly might somehow
diminish it. But the truth is, there’s nothing wrong with proudly acknowledging
your hard-earned achievements. You’ve put in the work, the sweat, and the
tears—it’s only right that you allow yourself the joy of that moment. Success
deserves to be celebrated, and so do you.
I've been exploring the Baa Atoll for about a week now,
going from Eydhafushi to Thuladhoo, then Goidhoo, back to Eydhafushi, followed
by Dharavandhoo, and finally Kendhoo. The constant island-hopping can be a bit
tiring, but being so close to nature and traveling solo adds a beautiful touch
to the experience. There's something liberating about moving around without the
usual considerations that come with having a travel buddy.
In the midst of my island adventures, I've come across a
variety of people. One person in Eydhafushi, however, really stood out – the
lab in charge. Let me tell you, his vibes are quite off, and he's a tough nut
to crack. He's got that typical 'full of himself' attitude, and trying to have
an open conversation with him feels like hitting a brick wall. And guess what?
He's Indian, fitting the stereotypical image of someone hard to please. His
closed-mindedness makes everything unnecessarily complicated.
It's amusing, in a frustrating way, to meet someone so set
in their ways, living in their own little bubble. This guy firmly believes what
he wants to believe, no matter how much sense you try to talk into him. He's
got this thing against safety needles, insisting they cause more pain to
patients than regular syringes, especially the ones from Sarstedt. I tried
explaining the nuances of pain perception and how safety needles can be handled
properly to minimize discomfort, but it's like talking to a wall. He just won't
budge. What's even funnier is that he says he doesn't hate safety needles; he
just doesn't like them. Yeah, right.
Luckily, our encounter was brief, and I'm crossing my
fingers that our paths won't cross again. Amidst such encounters, there are
also those who make the journey enjoyable – the enthusiastic and easygoing
ones. I'm thankful for those who've made my island-hopping life much smoother,
unlike the handful who seem to be more of a puzzle than a pleasure.
One week into the new year, and
its official life is in full swing, moving forward without pause.
I had a calm week, and it was
nice not having work pressure because my bosses were away. I had time to study,
though I got a bit sidetracked by watching Korean dramas and Twilight Saga last
night. I've been tired lately, and my sleep schedule is messed up from both
studying and being in a rabbit hole of my late-night entertainment. And now Mr.
Habeeb has returned to Male. I'm attempting to shake off the negative vibe I
sense from him, genuinely trying. LOL, but his presence somehow affects my
mood. What to do..
The other day was Kiel's
birthday, and he's such an adorable and cheeky boy. I really wish I could
celebrate these moments with my family in Manila. It makes me a bit sentimental
thinking about the things I miss, but that's life.
Lately, I've been feeling lucky
because I can play the lottery online in the Philippines. It brings me joy to
have the chance to try my luck. Hahaha! I've been manifesting a comfortable
life— not necessarily crazy rich, but just enough to be comfortable and secure
with my family. What a life!
Things are pretty crazy right
now. I'm trying to convince myself to chill out and just go with the flow
because my exam is just around the corner. It's a nerve-wracking time for me,
but I'm doing my best to handle the stress and actually enjoy the whole
process. This time, I've decided to let go and trust in a higher power. I just
want to feel free and be ready for the exam, even though just thinking about it
makes me super anxious.
As of now, Abby just received the
results of her exam the other day, and unfortunately, she didn't pass. I
genuinely feel sorry for her, and it's making me reflect on the fact that I
never shared with her that I also took the exam and failed too. Before she took
her test, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of envy, wishing I could pass like
her, but here I am gearing up for my second attempt.
I need to be honest with myself
about these feelings, especially when it comes to Abby; she deserves my support.
I'm sincerely praying for her success, and this time around, I'm determined to
pass my exam. I'm committed to helping Abby in any way I can for her next
attempt, I can’t share my exact plan to her but definitely will help and told
her everything later on.As much as
possible I just want to be low profile when it comes to this.
Lately, there's been quite a bit
going on, especially with Vans. It's been a challenging start to the year for
her, but it might serve as an opportunity for some self-reflection. Vans can be
stubborn and a bit selfish; it's not entirely her fault, but the situation in
her life is becoming more complicated. I hope she manages to sort everything
out.
I'm hoping Vans will eventually
settle what she owes me. Ragesh and Azard haven't paid up, and I don't think
Saminda paid me correctly either. This year, I'm determined to be more careful
with my finances. But, figuring out how to bring up the 30k Vans owes me feels challenging.
I'm worried it might create a misunderstanding and strain our friendship. fter
hearing about how she supported Merwin financially, I had second thoughts –
wondering why she did that and feeling that the time she asked for help, it was
for Merwin instead. I want to bring it up with her, but I'm scared she might
take it negatively. In the future, I don't want money to be involved when it
comes to friendship. I hope we can settle this and have the chance to talk
about it. It's just so complicated.
Just stumbled upon a page from my journal two years ago, and
it's uncanny how I'm facing similar challenges this month in a different timeline.
Life is truly fascinating, and journaling has this amazing ability to transport
you back in time.
It's amusing to discover that the struggles I'm currently
facing had already occurred two years ago. However, looking at it from a
different perspective, it's a testament to my strength and resilience. I not
only endured that difficult period but also continued to progress until today,
encountering similar dilemmas.
On a positive note, it's a journey of growth for me. Back
then, I emerged victorious from that battle, and it propelled me to where I am
now. While the external circumstances may not have changed significantly, I
realize that I've developed even greater resilience. It's somewhat ironic that,
despite feeling worse in the present situation, being in this spot signifies a
triumph over past challenges.
My reflection is that life is an ongoing struggle. Wins,
losses, and sometimes draws—it's a constant ebb and flow. Here's to hoping for
a real, sweet victory someday.
In some way, this place has become my identity. There was a
time when I questioned if I truly belonged here, but now I can confidently
declare that the Maldives is a part of who I am. This month marks my three
years in this unfamiliar territory. Over these years, my life has been a series
of unpredictable waves, and at times, I've been uncertain if I could navigate
through and come out victorious.
It was a daunting journey. I was alone, and, truthfully, I
didn't know anyone here. While not exactly scared, but I always found myself
contemplating my life decisions and questioning everything. I recall sitting on
Rasfannu at dusk, observing the gentle waves, the boats passing by, and the
people around me. In that moment, I found myself praying to God, hoping He
wouldn't grow tired of listening to my nonsensical complaints.
A multitude of events unfolded over the past three years. I
encountered new faces, underwent experiences that will undoubtedly linger in my
memory, stumbled along the way, and made temporary decisions that occasionally
landed me in challenging situations. It was a genuine eye-opener, and those
instances led me to believe that God truly cares for me. Making the same
mistake twice is one too many, and I had to learn the hard way. Nevertheless, I
chose to view it in a positive light, as these experiences became valuable
lessons in my life journey.
But look at me now, I've weathered the challenges of the
past three years. Despite still facing daily struggles and constantly
contemplating life and future decisions, I am genuinely grateful to God. My
life may not be perfect at the moment, but I am praying and hoping for, at the
very least, a life filled with happiness.
Hello future self, it's been a while, hasn't it? So many things have
happened over the past years and months. I've lost track of writing and
documenting, and consistency has been a struggle. This applies to my goals, my
emotions, and all the events in my life. I've never been so inconsistent, and
sometimes I regret not doaing what I should have done.
I've been working on moving to Poland sometimes last 2022,
and unfortunately, things didn't go as planned. My work visa application got
rejected, and it was quite a setback. I had to spend some time in India for it,
which was a bit disheartening, especially considering the significant amount of
money I invested in the process. It felt like a substantial loss, especially
since earning that money was no walk in the park. But I guess that's just part
of life's lessons. On the bright side, I had the chance to spend a whole month
in India, specifically in New Delhi, and it turned out to be an incredible
experience, even without the visa. I had so many amazing moments there, and looking
back, I do regret not documenting them in real-time
India is truly a remarkable place, and my time there was filled with
eye-opening experiences. I gained a deep understanding of how life in India
differs from the Philippines, from the culture and food to the overall
atmosphere. It's hard to put into words the personal impact it had on me. If I
may share my honest perspective, I noticed that India might not be as clean as
some other places I've seen. I say this with no intention to disrespect; it's just
an observation from my journey. Moreover, I've got to say that Indians are some
of the friendliest people I've ever encountered.
Then my life had to move forward, and I had planned to take
the NCLEX exam. It's been a rollercoaster journey for me, a real tough one. I
had to juggle studying and working simultaneously. In the last quarter of 2022,
we had to convert the IGMH for S-Monovette, and my exam date was getting
closer. I found it extremely challenging to stay motivated for my review
because I was struggling with feelings of laziness, fatigue, lack of focus, and
demotivation. I’m guilty
To be honest, there has been a lot of pressure weighing on my shoulders. Taking
the exam with Mary has added even more pressure. I value her friendship and
appreciate sharing this journey with her, but there are moments when it feels
like a heavy burden on my heart. Then came the exam date...
I failed …
I felt really down about myself, and deep down, I know I
didn't give it my best. Accepting this failure is a necessary part of coping.
It's truly an awful feeling, but I can't blame anyone else but myself. I can
only confide in a few close friends about this, as my family is unaware of it.
I was initially hesitant to share, hoping to reveal my success when it came, but
it didn't turn out that way.
But Mary just aced the exam, and I'm genuinely thrilled for
her. But, at the same time, I can't escape feeling sorry for her because she
couldn't fully enjoy her success because of my failure. I feel like I've
disappointed her, and that's a source of deep shame. It's the reason I kept my
journey to myself; I didn't want this outcome to overshadow everything. I know
it might come off as pessimistic, but that's the reality of it, you know? Hays
that life…
The good thing is I’m able to be back in Manila for so long,
it’s been 3 years since the last time I went back home and now I spend some
quality time with my family. I've missed them, even though I tend to prefer
solitude most of the time. I guess It's nice to have them around, especially my
niece, nephew, mom, sisters, brother, and brother-in-law. However, one thing I
dislike is being around people who assume I have a lot of money in my bank
account. It makes it difficult to plan getaways with my family without
considering those assumptions. Sometimes, I wish we lived in a place far away
from our relatives lol and this thing made me think not to go back home. Yeah
human relationship is way complex as it is.
So many events have transpired recently. I found myself in a
somewhat hazy afternoon, in the middle of nowhere, deep in contemplation about
my life choices. I'm more optimistic now compared to a few years ago, but there
are still times when my life feels stagnant. I've made choices in life that I
initially regretted, but I've learned to be grateful for the experiences. I might
have lost something along the way, such as time, effort, money, and momentum,
but I've come to accept that as part of life. I can't dwell too much on the
challenging parts of my life because it serves me no purpose. Prolonged sadness
will only make me feel even worse.
I'm not perfect, and I can't help but be concerned about the
uncertainties that lie ahead. Nevertheless, I believe I will be alright, or at
least I hope so.
Setting goals can indeed be quite
intimidating because we're uncertain about the outcomes. It can be draining and
fill us with anxiety when striving to achieve these dreams or whatever we
choose to call them.
One valuable lesson I've picked up
from various blogs and self-help books is that we can be dreamers and
goal-getters without overwhelming ourselves. We can enhance our productivity
without getting stuck in a constant loop of thinking about life and these
so-called goals. The process of life often leaves us feeling vulnerable as we
fixate on the end result, which, in the end, may not be worth it.
Here are a few things I've learned:
Achieving our dreams doesn't have to be a constant struggle, as long as we
remain aware of the present moment in our lives. Worrying about the future
doesn't make a significant difference in the ultimate outcome, but it can make
our lives miserable and prevent us from truly enjoying life.
As Dale Carnegie wisely said, "Life
is too short to be little."
When faced with tough decisions, we
should do what we can and, if we can't, let go and move forward, calmly
considering the next step. No one can predict the future, so there's no use in
stressing out.
Life doesn't always go smoothly; it's
meant to be challenging, so be prepared.
Remember, the end goal isn't the sole
reason we strive every day. We need to find joy even when things get tough. It
won't always end in happiness; there may be disappointments, but we must accept
and anticipate that these things will happen. Let's allow ourselves to enjoy
even the moments of struggle.
I understand it's not easy; I've found
myself in the darkest depths of my being too. I've had to reassess my values
and my definition of happiness. I've discovered that staying grounded and
maintaining a strong faith really helps me keep my sanity intact. Meditation
and clearing my mind have been effective ways to stop myself from worrying and
constantly reminding myself that my mind is in control, not my emotions.
It might sound cliché, but talking to
myself and calming my trust in my faith has been a source of strength.
Hello! I'm excited to share that I've finally made it
to the Maldives. After a month of anticipation, I'm back at work, and the
journey to this point has been quite a roller coaster.
After completing my two-week quarantine, I dove right
into my work, but something unexpected happened. I started feeling a bit sad
and homesick. It's strange because when I was in Singapore, I didn't experience
this longing for the Philippines. I spent years in Singapore without missing my
home country much, if at all.
Before embarking on this journey, I mentally prepared
myself for the significant change this move would bring to my life. I knew that
every aspect of my life was about to undergo a transformation, but as they say,
"easier said than done." Adjusting to a new place and routine isn't
as simple as I thought it would be.
There have been moments when I've wanted to cry, and my
heart has felt heavy, much like clouds laden with rain. This new chapter has
presented challenges, and it's taken some time to find my footing and adapt to
this unfamiliar environment.
It's a reminder that change, even when anticipated, can
be difficult. I'm navigating these emotions and challenges, hoping to find my
sense of belonging in this new place. While I miss my life in Singapore, I also
recognize the potential for growth and new experiences in the Maldives. Life's
journey is full of unexpected twists and turns, and I'm embracing this
adventure, even when it feels challenging. Life can often feel like a roller
coaster ride, and by now, you likely understand what I mean. The ups and downs
can leave you uncertain about what emotions to expect in any given moment.
Time flies so fast, it’s
literally fast as one blinked on an eye.
Could you imagine that we almost half a year now. Looking back for the
past few months I was wandering about the things that should probably happened by
this time? I had some worries and agony for what future could bring for me
during the beginning of the year and it seems that I still had those things
until now. yeah but its okay, that’s life and that’s how it goes right. Deal with people, overcome my (our) fear,
tried to convinced myself not to worry that much and just be happy and
contended. It means, just go with the flow and live it for the day and I’ve
learned that the more I worry about life it seems harder it could be.
For the past few months I’ve
watched a lot of videos, Korean/Local dramas, movies, GRWM, few quotes and tag
lines and those are learnings that I can associate on my life and its very
amusing that somehow I can relate it to myself. I enjoyed spending most of my
time for those things and I see it spending my whole life for it. Sad? Hmmm
yeah somehow I still felt my life that way it is. It’s so funny that I’m still
like this way, well maybe I change an inch but I’m still the way I used to be. Anyway…
Let’s talked about Lying. There’s
anyone of out there who’s not lying by any chance? I guess none of us, we are
guilty and I’m guilty and all of us will be guilty. But are we allowed to do it all over again?
Is there a valid reason for us to lie to other people and do the same to us?
Well that’s life, full of uncertainly and so am I. this mean, how big or small
lie is a lie, and it sure that I/we can hurt anyone or someone that we’re not
supposed to hurt by any means. Maybe our intention was good and we don’t want
to hurt them instead we lied but still truth can be hurtful but lies is more
hurtful than being honest.
For me, honestly telling a lie is
not a bad idea. Yes I know there’s no excuse about this matter but I rather to
lie than being frank and straightforward. But for the sake of a good harmony
(Relationship) lying is a best option, I will just keep it that way instead to
make it worse and mess. For me, lying isn’t about deceiving someone or cover up
what you’ve done, or keep what you’ve thought. Lying is the way that you can
save yourself and the other party from the chaos. It doesn’t mean that if you
lie, you become a bad person. It’s not a presentation of your entire
personality. This is just a piece of yourself that you are a just human and
every one of us could be have this weakness.
Time
has come to the point that I need to let go. It's been almost 3 months giving
my care to this random old man. I've felt so sad, sorry and happy for him. He
was a very nice man, full of happiness and positivity in life. Life could be
better for him if his family was united and whole. I didn't say that his life
was miserable in fact Uncle was very lucky to reach his age now at 88 this
year.
It just that, his family was divided with anger, jealousy and a
deeper scar from the past. Uncle and auntie had a two children. According to
auntie they were very happy before, a simple family of 4, auntie was a teacher
and Uncle had a good position in technical world in media and considering as a
government employee.
My experience with this case was rollercoaster and it challenged
my faith, understanding and my personal emotion to deal with those people
involved. Uncle had a main caregiver and that's his Daughter Rose Marie,She's around 50's, not married and she's been a full time
caregiver since last year if I remembered right. I described her as a dedicated and a very involved person when
it comes to uncle's health. A religious woman with a strong faith to God and I
admired her because of that. But there are some Instances that confused
me about her attitude. First, she was very nice, vocal, and full of wisdom
woman and she treats me well. In fact I like her although she's very talkative
and she kept telling the same story all over again (but that's fine to me so I
can practice my English hahaha)
It just happened that last November/December 2016, I raised my
concerned to my managers about my Budget that was being stretched out the whole
months. We went outside almost every day aside from my patient's original
schedules. Then when finally came to the point that my concern was being
raised to her, I've been caught up in the middle. I just don't get it why my
management didn't think about my situation. Yes they able to addressed my
concern, but instead of pulling me out from this case without any fuss, it
creates more issues and confrontations and I hate it. For me, my management can
pull me out here by giving a more realistic alibi but they just put me in tough
spot as well. From the day when Rose marie knew about the my concern, she was
starting asking and interrogating me like I did a serious crime and that’s very
uncomfortable on my part. She’s been very confrontational person and keen to
grilled people on the spot. Yes I was nervous and gasping for words to explain
my side to her, it seems not difficult to depend yourself to anyone as Long you
know where you stand. But explaining yourself in front of Rose Marie was like
being judged already by her own trial court. Well I believed that I explained well
my side to her as far as I know. I told her that there's something that I
can’t say to her directly and not necessary for her to know it. I don't want
them to adjust for me because I think too much about my budget but
instead, I need to adjust myself for them because they're my client. And
I also told her that aside from that, I don't have any issue at all since they were
good to me.
I just felt Attacked when her mood changed suddenly. She was
fierce and talking to me with conviction. I can tolerate it as Long as she
didn't play dirty at my back. Now she was eyeing with my flaws and pointing it
out. She escalated quickly as those things are non-sense and superficial. How
can you work when someone was always at you back and waiting for your
wrongdoing? I'm just human, of course I forgot things and but it’s not
necessary to report me because of it. I’m confident about my service and always
did my best to delivered standard care to all my patients. It's saddened me
because there are people out there who are very keen to push you on the cliff.
Yes I fully understand her point that she has right to say about uncle’s
welfare but as far as I know my care to all my patients was beyond what I can
offer. Different story if you want to put someone in bad situation because he/she’s
not on your side.
I felt Attacked when she tried to stop me from talking to
auntie. She was rude to her own Mother and she wants me to be like her. It
doesn't mean that if I talked to auntie I take sides too. Auntie was very nice
and lovely old woman and I believed that talking to her was not wrong. From the
moment she wants me to refrain from talking auntie was the time I'm taking her
side and being involved on their family issues.
Probably I didn't understand her struggle being part of this
family and her journey when she was young. Her scar from the past affects her
relationship toward other people today. Maybe I'm not in pain like what she
felt inside but I'm willing to listen like what I did. She was very fragile and
delicate as what I noticed but for God sake she needs to open her mind and learn
to accept her own flaws. She's very selfish, arrogant, close minded, and
insensitive. I don't want to be judgmental but I think she's not mentally
unstable. The way she talked and treats an average people shows her rudeness
and I see it as unacceptable treatment to anyone and we don't deserved it.
Definitelly a bully.
I’m not judging her relationship with God. She goes to church
almost every day and I witnessed her passion and devotions about her faith. It’s
pretty obvious that her faith lifted her confidence, which no matter what
happens, God with still forgive her and I truly agreed on that. But here’s the
thing, and I asked her about this as well. Would anyone still do the same
mistakes and if it’s valid to do it all over again because we know that God can
forgive us? As Roman Catholic and my own perception about it, it’s more
fulfilling that our soul are full with kindness and understanding for those
people that you have met in your life. Meeting a random people in this world
wouldn’t be just a coincident because I believed that every one of us had a
purposed that we imparted to each other. Yes, maybe we encountered those people
in a different situations and it could be in bad or in a wonderful moment. Let’s
say meeting them in a worse and a bad situations and we are just a human being that
probably our response will be in fight mode. Of course being in a harm
situation we tend to defend ourselves but at least we think twice and assess if
this all worth of our time and effort. Some of us we can just pass some of
those things and carry on or at least raised our own concern in a nicest way and
you know talked those people in calm way and as much as possible we don’t want
to be mean and sarcastic dealing those bad situations.
Lesson: I realized that even how close we are to God we are
still human. Committing mistakes and wrongdoing are pretty normal for us. Going
to church did not make us holy as what other think. I’m so naïve that I thought
that those people who go to church as often are good people. Yeah of course
there’s some exemption about being tagged as Good people but at least the
spirit of Christianity is being practice on a daily life and how you live with
people around us/you. It’s so sad that God was taking for granted because we
all think that he can save us from our sins because we prayed for him and
asking him for forgiveness. But we failed him to live his teaching on a daily
basis and we forgot to do what the masses preach every Sunday. I’m not perfect,
I barely go to church every Sunday and definitely a sinner but at least I tried
to be good and practice what Christianity is. I think Kindness, Love and
Understanding nowadays are not common for all of us and what we forgot in this
world full of uncertainly.
hello there! I had a good memories back in June. I'm been in Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam and that was a short trip because we were literally hopping to a different country in 6 days. it was a nice experience for me. and I will cherish those memories for my entire life because I didn't expect to travel to those places, although traveling was my greatest dream and but doing it in reality was kinda surreal and fulfilling because that's my hard earned money. And dude!traveling was everyone's dream and who's not right?! :)
And how I wish going to different places is free. it's so nice doing those things you really like and make the most of it with yourself and your friends.
I got a lot of realization while doing that tour.
*life is less serious when you choose to. just be happy and enjoy what you have. its not just about having a lot of money. yes?! probably money make us happy in a way, we can do whatever we want, buy those things we like and of course for us to be able to live and survive. but the more we try to chase the money or strive to have more than what we have tends to make us more vulnerable to be unhappy and unappreciated about single things. I know it's a frustration and depression because you/we are not able to have it, you/we felt that losing the chance is the same as losing our happiness lays on the money. probably I'm not the right person to tell this because I'm just 26yrs old and I'm still in the middle of my life and journeying what life could be for the next few years. I'm not YET successful and even have a stable and firm job to say these things and I'm also one of those people who are chasing after it and who's not? but like what I said LIFE IS LESS SERIOUS when we choose to. looking back to this statement maybe after years, I want to test myself if I would feel the same thing now versus later. well, we will see it. and see for my self. hehe I don't know why I'm doing this, why I'm saying these things. it's so funny because I'm preaching about being happy without money or just being contended in spite of being struggling to have it more hehe ironic! coming for me and coming to an average guy like me who's aiming to have nice, comfortable and unimaginably life because of the art of money is now stating these words and act as I'm not struggling about it
actually I admired to those people who been living in a simplest way. those people whose very dedicated to achieving their goals no matter what happened. I knew some of them personally and it makes me think why I don't have this kind of perseverance and will. yes!? i have goals and dreams but I have more time about worrying certain things and be depressed in quite sometimes. I have this attitude for the longest time. there's a time that I'm very motivated and very energetic to go after those goals and dreams but after a while, those mantras that I set on my mind was fading in every single day that had passed. but these people, their dedications has been never stopped in spite of achieving certain pleasure and rewards along the way. they still have the fire to get what they want. And that's very commendable and inspiring.
What a dying person would think about this question? Is this question would define his/her existence before death occurs.
What makes us realise how much time we actually had versus those people who's battling about their life Everyday..
I had a conversation to one person a few nights ago. She's a person who's actually dealing about her life Everyday. I didn't believe her until she explained about her condition. She got this terminal illness that shortened her life to a few or more years, let's say her life span is much shorter than the average person. I didn't let her to talk or ask what was like her illness, but according to her it runs to her family and she got it. She's been diagnosed two months before her 22years birthday.
I can't imagine how she feels like being diagnosed with this illness. My first time to hear this kind of struggle first hand from that person herself. This story gives me chills down my spine and fear somehow, fear for her? Fear for myself? What ifs etc
After sharing her story to me, I was imagining how her life would be like after learning that she got it. It would be hard? Of course yes, even me having this kind of so called "crisis" this would be a nightmare for me and what more that she got it for real. So depressing for sure! She mentioned that she got this self mirror. I don't know what was that and what is for? Hmm maybe this medium is the way how she vent about her depression.
I asked her what makes her happy, she answered me back that was no particular things that make her happy. Practically what makes us happy are the same thing with her. Family, money, work, stress, being on bed to relax, all these things makes us happy but not as much happier than what she feels. All these things are normal stuff for us to fulfill the whole day but for her these things are precious memories that she's going to keep until the time of her death.
I Asked her about her BUCKET LIST. For me living to a melodramatic world is like watching my favourite korean and local dramas. But I'm too naive about reality, about real life and how life supposed to be for a normal people like her/us/me. Different perspective from a person diagnosed of a terminal illness and her life trapped on a time canister for a certain time period. For her , Having a bucket list couldn't be practical. For her view and she explained to me that what if she didn't make it to accomplish this list, you've have this feeling of regrets about not completing for something you supposed to do while you're still alive. Instead of dying happy, you die with full of regrets. Regretting isn't fulfilling after all and later on it hunts you for the next life, worse you become a lost soul 😐 this view really make sense for me and I realised "yeah, you have point" to make it change the ambiance about this convo, i tried to joke around by saying "you should have simple list, those attainable bucket list" hehe but then again i still don't know what's gonna be my own perspective until I'm experiencing the same situation like her. can i overcome it the way how she accept it? Idk 😞
I was complaining about my life and what my future holds for me. And I didn't know there was someone behind me battling for her life like a time bomb. How ironic that life would be unfair in so many way. I'm not here to judge life and the entire mystery of what life can give. I'm not contented and i will never be, because that's what life supposed to be... We have an endless needs,wishes,dreams,goals and mantrasI was complaining about my life and what my future holds for me. And I didn't know there was someone behind me battling for her life like a time bomb. How ironic that life would be unfair in so many way. I'm not here to judge life and the entire mystery of what life can give. I'm not contented and I will never be, because that's what life supposed to be... We have an endless needs,wishes,dreams,goals and mantras but then again once we got all of these, we're starting again to strives for a new cycle of wishes and so on.. This is what I mean that's why I'm not contented but it doesn't mean that im not happy. Yes, I feel bad, stress, frustrated and failed about not achieving for what I want to get but these things are just a few stressors that make me a whole as a person. Eventually, life teaches me about realisation and like this conversation to someone who's totally stranger to me but then, life let me to know this person and other people around me as well.
Yes, this person got her balls that I suppose to have, because no matter what, she's able to live on her way and make herself adjusted since life give her a very challenging role. I admire her for the courage, her perspective, strength and fighting spirit to overcome the twisted plot that life imposed.
"Go with the flow" is the simplest things I've heard yet this statement is the most powerful. I gotta do my things and be worried about tomorrow and I didn't realised that I'm too drown out about my will to deal with life. Im not running out of time more than she does. I have a lot of time ahead of me than she had. So who am I to complain but instead I need to change my views and make my life easier and light. Be the simplest dude and yet keeps the fire of aiming my dreams :)
Hey you lady! If ever you've read this! I salute and admire you. I know whatever you feel and what illness you had, you're stronger than it. I will keep in mind whatever Views and realisation that you have shared with me. :)
Last time I got this client in Tampines and somehow this family give me a hard time and fear. 😖 here's the story..
I can believe that they complained about me for some unreasonable matter.
1. Using my phone : I don't think that was wrong because first, that moment I have to ask my colleague about the contact number of other NA who's been doing the service last time. I just want to ask her about the routine. Okay I admit it, using phones at work will be an issue to any institution but then they can just ask me first why I did it or let me explain my side. After my supervisor informed me abt the complain, i tried to confront the Daughter abt their issue and for God sake, this old woman denied it. So funny that she can't even tell straight on my face 😏😒
2. Using new tissue paper to get the used one : this complaint was totally a bullshit, technically I should used gloves because that tissue was contaminated from my patient body's fluids and I don't know why the other NA didn't do the same thing or why she tolerated that routine. I asked the daughter to give me plastic bag so, uncle can just drop the used tissue in it but the funny thing the Daughter answer me back that there was no place to hang it?! Seriously? I can put it right anywhere near from her father because he keep dropping whatever fluids from his nose and she expect me to touch it and pretend that's nothing to me.
3. Uncle was not satisfied after I took him on shower : me was like "wtf! Are they seriously?" 😒 I've been here in Singapore for 2years and they just accused me for not doing my job well, i wanna confront them and ask them one by one, actually im just there to teach uncle not to be dependent.
4. Reading book : I guess they expect me to stare at the wall and wait till the time i need to go home. Seriously! What's wrong about reading my book and that time Uncle was standing at the window for 10mins and im just seated few steps behind him and I checked him every now and then after that he seated on the couch while watching TV. Im trying to say, its all dead time, there's nothing to do. so, what's wrong about it.
5. Be aware of me/Dangerous guy:
Yes! They judged me for real and I don't know what's their reason behind that judgment. Really!?do I looked like Gangster? Even I am, is that a valid reason to judge someone by how he looks like. Besides they just know me for a day. My conclusion is one of the Daughter (old maiden) maybe scared to be rape by me. Hahaha omg I'm also picky tho and over my sexy body she's not even worth it to be rape by anyone haha (sorry im mean)
Moral lesson:Humans are rude. A highest form of animal tend to be a superior at its finest. Come on! We are all human and I'm talking as a part of this species. So, why we can't be understanding. I admitted that me as well, sometimes I tend to be rude to anyone but as much as possible I tried my best not to be and incase I am , by the end of the day I have this regret that I show up my weakness by being rude and inhuman. Funny thing that I felt bad for being judged by strangers but the other way around I'm also like them. Consciously or unconsciously for sure I bullied someone without knowing it.
Random day! i was thinking to find a Job online but I'm so lazy to do it :p beside I'm still waiting for my application In SGH (Singapore General Hospital) I'm applying for Nursing aide or healthcare assistant but the HR personnel asked me if I can be assigned for different Job opening, so Who am I to say no. I mean right now and the state of my life for this very moment, haha I can't be choosy and picky about work. I'm so hopeless right? well, that's life and I need to deal with it.
And about this Job Application, I didn't share this to anyone of my colleagues. Friends? or even to dennis :( hmmm This thing makes me selfish. Because I was thinking what if they're been hired and I'm left alone. sorry for being so selfish and not being so true friend and I'm guilty. anyway I hope things will be okay soon and if I succeed I'm going to share this to dennis. :) I'm not that bad not to share this to anyone. well life is life. in reality we need to be wise and smart and if life required to be rude and tough well, we should need to...
anyway, this might be one of my journey and hopefully I can get throught this. And all of my dreams will be on the same page. I have a lot of things that i want to do. I wanted to try all those weird things in earth. How I wish I have powers to switch myself to different places and be wild as I can. hehe (Day dreaming dude:>) those inspiring travel Video Blogs are killing me hahaha but it's so fun to watched it. I was like there and enjoying their moment too haha yes! this is a typical day dreaming. I never get tired to watched those VBlogs because it brings happiness to me whenever I watched them. and I'm also addicted to kpops trends and Korean drama again. I have a plenty of time to watched their music videos on Youtube and I can't be tired as hell. hahaha.
hey! days passed so fast. How cool it was right? haha or this is weird having a sudden rush of time and we suddenly noticed that we were nearly in the middle of the year hehe. How I wish that time will pause and enjoy every bit of it. like wanna go to beach, hiking or shopping and those days will never end like an infinite time line. just to able to have a never ending happiness. :) how cool it sounds right?
it's been a days when I went back in manila and that was a boring vacation haha but still I'm happy to see my family again and nothing has changed there. Philippines are still Philippines, its been a year ago since I flew here in Singapore. first I'm so hesitant to go back because i was scared on how much I'm gonna spend back there. so roughly less than 30k pesos, and I need to pull it out some of my savings back there :( and as usual, There are still people back there who can't even understand how hard to work here (overseas) their perception was, when you worked overseas, you've been earning a lot of money, maybe yes for other people but not for me :/ and they keep comparing me to other people and it make me sad and depressed because no one will dream to work hard for nothing. and there are some people out there who's very close to my heart are very vocal to express their excitement for something that I gonna give to them :( they're not excited to see me instead they are excited for something I have for them. that's unfair and they don't understand it. I'm not too hard to spend my money for them but, at least they should think what hardship I had to put on just to earn it. I'm not selfish to keep my money, they are too much to ask more - I don't know, I don't want judge them but this is what I feel :(
and when I back here in Singapore, now I'm over thinking again for so many things. I'm so alarmed about my next move. and yes now I'm pressing again my snooze button and delaying everything. this attitude should be removed on my system. anyway I miss a lot the Singapore and I want to go back again when I'm there hahaha, you can really tell what was the difference between the two countries. How sad that Philippines are still the same. The poor situation, the bad politics and Rotten and disgusting system of Democracy. How I wish that we had a better future on our own land.
Anyway, I just really miss my family thou not that much hahaha but I want to see them and my two nephews. they grew so fast.. I want to give the best love that I can give to them and of course to my mum and my siblings as well but like what I have now it's not even enough for us and I'm very shame to share it with them because me also I have my own needs and expenses but I still need to divide it for us. How sad life I have hahaha everything are still in control and I need to compensate, hahah soon I want to feel the luxury of what life can give to me and to my family. well, everything I need. I should earn it on my own because no one would give it and that's what life would do it :D
and this kind of situation, I still manage to be happy and positive. I hope I will be always like this. thou I still have ups and down moment and mostly down situation but my faith are still Stronger no matter what life can bring. Aja! :D
Hello there! and hello 2016 - so much expectation this year, a lot of wishes, goals, and dreams. Ang dami kong ineexpect this year. Makapag travel, makahanap ng ibang work, more hook-ups hahaha joke. but seriously yung relationship na pwde kong itressure. well 2016 na what's new hahaha. but I feel it, soon hahahaha, the question is how soon? hahaha okay let's stop this.
lately sobra akong interested sa mga tutorial sa youtube, may napanuod akong vlog about traveling and I'm dying bacause I'm supposed to be there hahaha joke. seriously gusto ko gawin yung mag travel from now on. yung pakiramdam na free ka and you have free mind to explore everything. free soul and free life kahit saglit lang makawala ka sa problema mo. how i wish to live in a worry less world. free of anything that can stress me. but that world doesn't exist at all :) bacause life is useless without problems. that's my mantra
this year I will try to be a good person as I can. no more hate, hatred, envy, and I want to be happy. pero parang ang hirap panindigan hahahaha. I just noticed when I get older that I become more sensitive and concern about my life. is this a mid-life crisis? haha is that too early for me? :) hahaha. like what I want to be this year, sometimes it's so hard to be that person, thou that changes are for your own maturity and well-being as a Individual. okay this is me talking about changes haha? Anyway, minsan di ako makaramdam ng contentment and I'm guilty because I can't see how blessed I am. that's the things that I need to working on. also need to stop comparing myself to other people. stop procrastinate everything, do it as soon as possible and be punctual. at this Aged, I had a lot of things inside me that I need to pay attention, bad habits, bad attitude and everything about me that need changes. should I stop wishing things that everything that I see to other people are supposed to be me? wishing that I have what they have, who they are and everything they have experience are maybe me and should be me because I deserved it too? I'm too greedy not to feel happy for other persons :( and I'm not happy because this is me living on that attitude and I want to change it. yes because it's 2016 and everyone has been changing already. I'm not saying that I need to change because they're changing. I want to change for my own benefits and be a better person. when I'm able to be happy and accept what I have, I think that's the time that I can be contented and don't feel anything toward other people.
first, I was okay but suddenly I felt this way again. "that feelings" that I don't want to feel anymore. why is the hell happening to me? really, I'm asking this to myself. seriously it brings a lot of crap on me. I'm worried about everything, about my life, about my future, and tons of issues back in manila. really. I've felt lost and unwanted in so many ways.
Bakit ganoon, hindi ako makuntento kung ano ang meron ako. hinahanap ko yung mga bagay na wala ako. nag-iisip ako ng malayo at pinangungunahan ko ang hinaharap. hindi ko maiwasan na wag mag isip at mag alala ng mga bagay bagay na hindi ko naman dapat iniintindihin. pero hindi ko makuha na wag mag alala, Natatakot ako na baka dumating yung oras na lugmok na ako at hindi naman ako naging masaya.
career wise, right now I felt lost, really - iniisip ko kung bakit hindi ko itinuloy yung pagiging nurse after collage at nung pumasa ako, kaya ngayon ang dami kong regrets. bakit pa kasi kailangan ko unahin yung pera kaysa sa gusto ko kaya ito ako ngayon naliligaw ako. for my past career, ni tingin ko hindi naman ako nag grow as perso. yung apat na taon ko sa accenture eh parang nasayang lang, ni hindi naman ako umangat, tapos biglang shift ako ng work career as nursing aide ang tanong okay ba at worth it? in some points okay naman eh, kaya lang di pa rin maalis sa isip ko na hindi pa din sapat yung kung anong meron ako ngayon since kailangan ko supportahan ang mga kapatid at pamilya ko.
gusto kong maranasan yung maging okay sa lahat, maging stable sa lahat ng bagay. wala naman perpektong buhay, alam ko lahat ng tao may problema pero bakit ako nahihirapan? pakiramdam ko ang unfair, hindi ko na nga nagawa yung gusto ko sa buhay at nag iba na rin ako ng path para lang mag trabaho pero ganoon pa din. yung kaonteng pera na kinikita ko eh hindi pa din sapat para sa amin. ano ba naman yung maging stable ako sa trabaho at maging good provider ako sa bahay pero nahihiya ako sa pamilya ko. hindi ko sila mabigyan ng maganda at komportableng buhay. sarili kong kasiyahan hindi ko na din mahanap sa panahon na ito.
really, siguro sa lahat ng post ko dito sa blog na 'to mabibilang lang kung kailan ako naging masaya. naiinis ako sa sarili ko kung bakit ako ganito. Nagdadasal naman ako at nag papasalamat kay God regarding sa mga blessings ko. yes i'm Blessed in so many ways, minsan nga hindi ko nakikita yun at nahihiya ako kay God kasi puro na lang ako reklamo at hindi makontento. maswerte ako at nandito ako sa singapore nakaka pag trabaho pero iniisip ko hindi pa din sapat. ang dami kong gustong gawin sa buhay. ang dami king plano na hindi ko alam sa magsisimula. pag mag iisip ako ng plano at mag sisimulang maghanap ng way bigla naman mawawala yung kaonte kong pag asa. sabi naman ni abby kaya daw ako ganito kasi feeling ko wala akong makakapitan. siguro tama sya ni taong mag mamahal sakin wala nga eh. yung taong pwede kong makasabay mangarap at bumuo ng buhay. sa ganitong aspeto din alam ko naliligaw na din ako. nahihirapan na din ako makabalik at natatakot akong baka maiwan ako at manatili na lang doon.
I think I was challenged by God. Iniisip nya kung hanggang saan ako tatagal. alam ko pag subok lang to malalagpasan ko to. magiging matatag ako. aasa at patuloy akong mangangarap :)
Please gusto ko mawala lahat ng agam agam sa puso ko.
GILBERT S.P
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