I took a few days off with Gladys. At first, I didn’t really want to go. I kept thinking about money, about spending too much, about how I could just stay home instead. But then I realized I’ve been doing that a lot talking myself out of rest, out of small joys. And since Gladys was here, I didn’t want to miss the chance to share the experience with someone. Being alone is fine, but sometimes it feels heavier when there’s no one to walk beside you.
The ocean surprised me. Swimming with nurse sharks, watching stingrays move so calmly, standing on the sandbank it all felt unreal. The sea is massive, endless, and it made my worries feel smaller for a while. When I was snorkeling, it felt like stepping into another world, something quiet and alive beneath the surface, like Avatar, but real. I realized how rarely I allow myself to feel wonder anymore.
There was something about being in the water that felt like a reset. My body moved without thinking too much, like it remembered something my mind forgot. I felt close to something I don’t fully understand nature, life, maybe myself. It scared me a little, but it also made me feel safe. I think that’s why I keep going back to the ocean. I should probably learn how to swim, not just float through things.
What stayed with me most was the feeling of being present. No comparing, no planning, no noise. Just breathing, floating, existing. Moments like that make me realize how tired I’ve been not just physically, but emotionally. I’ve been carrying a lot quietly.
I’m glad I did this before turning 36. It feels like a small promise to myself
that even if I don’t have everything figured out, I can still choose moments that make me feel alive. Maybe that’s enough for now.
Today I got some news from Gladys,
and I’ve been thinking about it the whole day. She told me that Azard and Mr.
Sameer will probably be the ones sent to Switzerland or Denmark for the Tempus
training. And honestly… I didn’t know what to feel at first. My brain kinda
froze for a second.
Part of
me wasn’t surprised. I mean, I already expected that I might not be the one
they’d choose since I’m not an engineer. But when Gladys asked me if Mr. Sameer
was an engineer and I said no, I had to laugh like, so why is it such a
big deal when it comes to me, right? It made me feel a little weird. I can’t
lie, the moment she said it, something inside me sank a bit.
I’m the product specialist for
Sarstedt, and sometimes I feel like that should count for something. Even if
I’m not an engineer, I still handle the product, the clients, the whole
follow-up. So yeah… it felt a bit like a slap in the face that they didn’t even
consider me. It’s like being indirectly told that I’m not “worth sending,” you
know? That kind of quiet invalidation stings in a way that’s hard to explain.
But
then there’s the other side of me the tired, realistic, older version of
myself that was actually relieved. I’m in that phase in life where extra work
doesn’t excite me anymore. Sometimes it even irritates me, and I hate that it
does, but it’s just where I am right now. So the idea of not having
to take on one more training, one more responsibility… honestly that part of me
felt okay. Like, “Good. Less stress. Keep my salary, keep my peace.”
Still… I can’t pretend there isn’t a part of me dreaming a little.
Because who wouldn’t want to go to Switzerland or Denmark, right? Those are
places I don’t think I’d ever get to visit easily on my own. Opportunities like
this don’t come often, and a small part of me was hoping maybe this time it
would be me. Not even for the training but just the experience, the
feeling of going somewhere new, somewhere I never imagined I’d step foot in.
And
that’s where the conflict is. I’m okay with not being chosen, but I’m also sad
about it in a way I didn’t expect. It’s like feeling two emotions at the same
time calm and disappointed. Mature and insecure. Content but also
questioning my worth. I guess that’s normal, right? Or maybe I’m just
overthinking again, as usual.
I keep
asking myself if feeling invalidated is reasonable or if I’m just being
dramatic. But maybe both can be true. Maybe it’s valid to feel this way and
still know that life goes on.
So yeah, that’s where my head is at
today. A little confused, a little hurt, a little relieved… just a whole mix of
emotions. Life is funny like that,
I’m honestly feeling a mix of disappointment, frustration, and a little sadness right now because of Gladys. I recently found out that she’s been telling stories not just once, but twice to her colleague in Dubai about the work we’ve been doing here in the Maldives. The way I heard it, it almost sounded like she was making fun of me, as if she was trying to make me look like someone who doesn’t really know what they’re doing. And that really stings… more than I thought it would.
I keep replaying our conversations during the field visits in my head, trying to recall every single detail. I honestly believe I didn’t say anything wrong. Everything I shared came from what I observed, what I understood, and what I know from experience. I was simply trying to explain the client’s problems and make it clear that our product isn’t at fault here. I wanted to justify things professionally and represent us in the best way possible. But now, knowing she turned my words into something to laugh about… it just hurts. It makes me feel small, almost foolish, like I’ve been stripped of the little credibility I’ve worked so hard to build.
What makes it even harder is that I truly thought we had a good relationship or at least I believed we did. Every time she visits the Maldives, I’ve always been genuinely happy to see her. We laugh, we work well together, and I even make the extra effort to make her feel welcome. I thought we were on the same team. So why say those things behind my back? Is it intentional? Does she really think less of me? Or is she just trying to impress her colleagues by making me seem clueless? I can’t tell, and honestly, not knowing makes it worse.
And you know what’s ironic? If I wanted to, I could share a lot of things about her too stories, habits, moments where she wasn’t at her best. But I don’t. I’ve always chosen to keep those things to myself out of respect. At least, I used to respect her. Now… I’m questioning that. I just wish she gave me the same courtesy I’ve always given her.
Lately, though, I’ve noticed something else eating at me. Whenever she’s here, I sometimes feel… smaller. Like my efforts are invisible. It’s as if what I’ve been doing all along suddenly doesn’t matter, simply because she can come in and do the exact same thing and somehow, it looks more “valuable” coming from her. I’ve been brushing it off, telling myself, “This is what they want, just let it go,” but deep down, it still gets to me.
Despite all of this, I’m not angry at her. I’m just… hurt and confused. I’m trying to understand where she’s coming from, why she says and does the things she does. Maybe she doesn’t even realize how much her words affect me. Or maybe she does, and she just doesn’t care. I don’t know yet.
All I know is that this situation has left me questioning where I really stand not just with her, but maybe even in the bigger picture of this work. It’s a strange place to be in, feeling both proud of what I’ve accomplished and yet undermined by someone I thought was an ally.
An unexpected blessing came my way, something I never
imagined, not even in my wildest dreams
Lately, I’ve been struggling at work. Most days, I feel like
I’m just here, doing nothing meaningful. It’s like I’m a wallflower easily
overlooked, easily replaced. There are moments I doubt myself, feeling like I’m
not good at what I do, not the best at anything, and lacking the qualities of a
truly great employee. Honestly, I’ve felt bored, disconnected, and even
resentful toward my job. I get easily irritated by people around me, and the
thought of quitting, moving out, or going back to Singapore or even trying the
UAE again crosses my mind more often than I’d like to admit.
And then on the most random, ordinary day, without any
warning I received a bonus. I couldn’t believe it. I mean, considering how
little I feel I contribute, it almost felt undeserved. I was overwhelmed happy,
yes but also confused and even a bit embarrassed. I’ve been sitting here
collecting a paycheck each month, feeling like I’m not really earning it, and
that doesn’t sit well with me.
I’m grateful, truly. But at the same time, I’m wrestling
with a lot of mixed emotions.
Honestly,
it’s been really frustrating dealing with a colleague who keeps making things
harder than they need to be especially over something that wasn’t even my
responsibility to begin with. I only got involved because I’m the one
communicating directly with the client, so I naturally want things to go
smoothly.
I already understand
how the sponsorship process works he actually explained it the other day. But
honestly, that conversation should’ve happened a long time ago. I even sent an
email weeks ago about the sponsorship, and he never mentioned that I needed a
specific letter for documentation. Now he’s bringing it up when it’s already
too late to act on it properly.
What’s tough
is that I’m the one dealing with the client, and I don’t want to feel them that
were ignoring them. Amila really gets under my skin sometimes he acts like he
doesn’t want to help, and it comes off as selfish. I get that he doesn’t want
to be too involved in the financial stuff, and that’s fine, but is it really
too much to ask for a little heads-up or support?
He had the
information way before I did. Things like printing the letter, getting it
signed, and placing it on the right desk should really fall under his role in
the accounting department. It just feels unfair to be left to figure things out
last minute when it could’ve been a quick handoff if there had been better
communication.
I find it so strange when people become entitled because of
their social status. When they recognize their position and superiority over
others, they often disregard personal space and time. Their toxic traits are
impossible to ignore. While these individuals may have the qualities of a good
leader, that doesn’t justify acting entitled just because they hold power over
others.
One day, my boss asked me to tag along after work to a local
soccer match, just to take pictures. I didn’t mind doing it once, but of
course, once wasn’t enough. Without hesitation, he asked me to come again as if
I had no choice in the matter. The game was set for 11 PM, and I had to leave with
them by 10 PM, just imagine how much of my time was wasted on something I
wasn’t even interested in. Sure, people might argue that I could simply say no,
but let’s be real intelligent people can read between the lines. When you're
the boss, there's an unspoken pressure, and saying no isn’t always as easy as
it seems. I just wish leadership came with more awareness. power and authority
should be exercised with consideration for those below them.
A quick trip to Laamu Gan—it’s not
my first time here, but every visit seems to bring a little moment of
reflection. Even in such a short time, this island has a way of making me think
about life. I love the beach here; it’s stunning and peaceful. Some of the
locals are really kind, but I’ve also had my fair share of not-so-great experiences.
I still can’t forget my first time here for work and how rude some of the
hospital staff were to me.
Back then, I seriously doubted
whether I could make it through life here in the Maldives. I kept
second-guessing if this job was even the right fit for me. But looking at it
now, it’s clear I’ve come a long way.
By the way, this trip feels unnecessary. I’m not sure why my
boss tagged me along, especially since I’ve already done several training
sessions at the hospital. Plus, these people have so many complaints about the
product. Sometimes I really ask myself, why am I eve n doing this? Lol.
I spent New Year’s with my colleagues on Hanimaadhoo Island. Honestly, I
wasn’t too excited about it at first. I’m not great with big groups of
people—they drain my energy, especially when I feel out of place. I had really
hoped to spend New Year’s alone, in solitude. Maybe it sounds ungrateful, but
that’s just how I felt.
Surprisingly, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I ended up having
fun playing cards, and the food was good—though eating the same thing three
times a day for three days straight did get old fast. By the end, I was so over
it, but I guess that’s normal.Still, I came back from the trip feeling completely drained. The thought of
going back to work right after was just overwhelming.
For years, I’ve always spent Christmas and New Year’s alone. There’s
something comforting about the solitude. But sometimes, I wish I could
celebrat e these occasions with my family somewhere special. I miss my mom’s
cooking, the dishes I grew up with—my comfort food that brings back childhood
memories. Those memories feel like a different lifetime, a time when everything
seemed unchanging. It’s strange to think about how much life has shifted since
then.
I suppose being this sentimental is forgivable, just this once.
Some people feel the need to give unsolicited opinions, even when what
they’re saying could be hurtful. Sure, it might be true, but for goodness’
sake, if you don’t have something kind to say, just don’t say anything at all.
It might seem funny to you, but take a moment—think three times—about whether
it’ll be funny to the person on the receiving end.
Making fun of someone’s appearance is beyond rude and insensitive. I can’t
imagine ever doing that to someone. How can you shatter someone’s confidence
just because you haven’t experienced their journey? It’s cruel, plain and
simple.
Addy is honestly one of the worst people I know. He’s done this so many
times—always has something to say about my appearance. And the thing is, I’d
never do that to anyone, not even to him, because it’s just not kind. At the
very least, have the decency to act like a decent human being. Oh well, I guess
that’s just how he was raised.
And LOL, I still can’t figure out what his deal is. Why call out my skin
texture? Yeah, it’s not perfect, and it’s never going to be perfect, but why
even bring it up? He didn’t just mention it—he had to emphasize how “damaged”
it is. Like, really? Hahaha. He even said something like, “You have damaged
skin even though you use tons of skincare.” I was just sitting there, thinking,
WTF is wrong with you, dude? That moment wanna punch his mouth ..
I felt so humiliated in front of everyone, and as if that wasn’t enough, he
even called over another officemate to gang up on me. He started saying I must
be stressed, and that’s why my skin is breaking out. Then, out of nowhere, he
had the audacity to pitch some product he wanted me to try as a “sponsorship.”
Seriously? Hahahahaha.
To be honest, I was so pissed at that moment. I could literally feel the
heat rising from the back of my neck all the way to my head. I was sitting
there wishing the ground would just swallow me whole, questioning my existence,
like, Is this really happening right now?
I honestly have no words for this kind of person. There was
a time when I’d feel so guilty even thinking something negative about him, but
not anymore. No more regrets now.
Wow, time really does fly. It’s hard to believe it’s been four years already
since I came to the Maldives. How have these years shaped me? Am I still the
same person I was back then? Honestly, I think this place has definitely
changed me in more ways than I realized.
I have so many memories, stories, and experiences from these
past four years. I’m truly grateful for everything—the ups and downs, and for
facing my fears and struggles when I first moved here. It feels like just
yesterday when it all began, and in the blink of an eye, four years have flown
by.
I feel at home now—Maldives has truly become my home, even
though a part of me still longs for Singapore. What’s strange is that I don’t
feel the same way about the Philippines, my birthplace. I spent so many years
there, but it doesn’t give me the sense of comfort or belonging that I’ve found
here.
Whenever I visit the Philippines, I miss my family deeply—my
mom, my siblings, my nephews, and nieces. I treasure every moment with them,
but I can’t shake the feeling of being a stranger. The streets, the familiar
places, and even the memories feel distant, as if I’ve outgrown that part of my
life. It’s a bittersweet feeling, knowing I’ll always love my family and the
good memories from home, but realizing that my heart has found its home
somewhere else.
These past four years have been incredibly significant in
shaping the person I am today. They’ve taught me to be tough, to look at life
from a broader perspective, and to accept that I’m not perfect—and never will
be—and that’s okay. I’ve learned to embrace defeat and failure because that’s
how life is meant to be.Some people might be lucky enough not to go through the
struggles I’ve faced, but I feel fortunate in my own way. Those experiences
taught me resilience, humility, and the value of growth. They’ve helped me
understand myself better and appreciate life, not for its perfection, but for
its lessons. I’ve come to realize that every setback carries the seed of
wisdom, and for that, I am grateful.
The past four years have been filled with dreams and
plans—so many of them—but life didn’t always turn out the way I hoped. At
first, it was hard to accept, but along the way, life taught me something
invaluable, to go with the flow. That simple mindset became the answer to so
many of my worries, sleepless nights, and moments when I felt trapped by
overthinking.
Looking back, I realize how much I’ve overcome, and that’s
something I’m proud of. Through it all, God was there, protecting me in ways I
didn’t see at the time. It wasn’t always obvious, but He reminded me to stay
grounded, to keep my faith strong, and to trust in His plan. Those moments of
struggle turned into lessons that strengthened me, and I’m grateful for the
protection and guidance that brought me to where I am now.
I feel like a terrible person. It's like I'm adding fuel to
a fire that's already burning, only making things worse.
I feel like I'm not a good casual friend to the people
around me. I admit, I've been a bit of a snitch, making fun of a certain friend
and sharing his words with others. I know it's a bad habit and not the right
way to treat anyone. It's definitely a toxic trait, and I realize it's
something I need to work on. Sometimes I do it without even thinking, just to
have something to talk about, but I know that's not an excuse. lol
On my part, when I give advice, it’s always genuine and
comes from a place of honesty and concern. My advice to Leisan comes from truly
concern about him, but he’s been lying and even has the nerve to say the
complete opposite of what he originally said. It’s frustrating when he twists
the truth like that.
It's not really about me, but more about the things Leisan
said to Mike, which turned out to be completely different from his version of
the story. Initially, I didn’t know who to believe—it was his word against
Mike’s. But Mike had documented his side, making it clear that Leisan was
lying.
What I’ve taken away from this is that people can lie right
under your nose, without even realizing that the truth might come to light
eventually. And knowing Leisan, his words have always been fake. The history of
all his past statements completely contradicts what he’s saying now, making
everything he said before totally invalid. It’s like all his past words fall
apart once you realize the truth.Leisan has never done anything horrible to me, in fact, he’s
actually a nice guy to me (although I’m not sure behind me lol), though
sometimes he can be a bit full of himself and seems obsessed with money. Just
today, he shared a story about his teenage years during college. He was
struggling financially, working outside his field, and couldn't pay his tuition
fees. As a result, his school withheld his credentials, preventing him from
taking the board exam. That’s really sad. He was also mistreated by his
relatives, and I guess his tough upbringing shaped who he is today.
He seems terrified of being penniless again, to the point
that he hoards cash—literally thousands of dollars, chained to his wallet,
which is attached to his waist. It’s extreme. The way he talks to people can be
really offensive sometimes. But I’m trying to see it as a lesson: people become
who they are because of their past experiences, and I realize that who I am
today is also a reflection of the trauma I’ve experienced in my own life.
You know what's funny and frustrating at the same time?
People in the office expect so much from me just because I'm a nurse. They
think I can diagnose someone instantly, as if I'm supposed to have all the
answers right away! LOL. And on top of that, they expect me to go the extra
mile if someone is sick in the office. Why should I stress myself out over
things I can't control?
Recently, one of my colleagues was hospitalized with dengue,
and many of my officemates have been really invested and busy looking after
him, which is nice of them. I visited him too, but I can't spend all my time at
the hospital taking care of him. Our accountant, a Sri Lankan guy, has been
particularly mean and always makes derogatory jokes about it. He says things
like, "You're the nurse here; you should do this and that." Most of
the time, I don't find it funny—it's actually really annoying. I have my own
responsibilities, and if I help out, it's because I want to, not because I'm
told to. This person has been particularly toxic for me.
The other day, Amila was having knee pain, and Addy pointed
me out, saying, "Oh, here's Gilbert, he's a nurse," implying that I
should take a look. So I started assessing Amila, asking about the pain—how it
felt, if he did anything before the pain started, if it was a constant pain,
and so on. They weren't taking me seriously and thought I was just messing
around. It was mind-blowing how clueless they were about how diagnoses are
supposed to work. You can't just say something without properly assessing the
person.
I'm not the best nurse, but I'm trying to be good at this
profession. However, I'm not even practicing nursing here to begin with.
Now, I'm finally back in the Maldives. After everything that
happened over the past three weeks, returning here doesn't feel any different
from the challenges I've faced in recent days, especially with that lingering
not-so-good feeling. I was hoping for a fresh new start, treating this comeback
as the beginning of a new journey after all the setbacks, emotional turmoil,
and mental exhaustion but not that the case…
As soon as I landed in the Maldives, things got a bit
annoying. At the airport, the staff insisted I fill out the travel declaration
again because apparently, the one I had prepared had expired. It was a bit of a
hassle, but manageable. The real frustration kicked in when another staff
member asked me to join the regular line instead of getting some priority.
Later, at the taxi stand, local folks were quoting sky-high
fares, and to top it off, they preferred dollars over the local currency (MVR).
What really got on my nerves was their pickiness in choosing passengers and
turning down rides that weren't going their way. Dealing with this, which felt
like a scene from Manila, left me seriously irritated.
Dealing with all these issues is seriously getting on my
nerves. So, my housemate, without even asking, decides they want to switch my
bunk bed with their old one. Totally unnecessary. I mean, my bunk bed is way
more practical, especially because I can use the top part for storage, and
let's face it, my room is not exactly spacious. And guess what? They plan to
make this switch right after I come back from my holiday? Seriously, couldn't
they have considered that I might be tired from traveling and not in the mood
to rearrange everything in my room? This guy is beyond inconsiderate. I still
remember how he left me to assemble the bunk bed by myself before, and now he's
expecting me to do it all over again.
Last night, they were busy assembling their bed, blocking
the toilet in the process, so I couldn't even use it. I ended up going to bed
without even having a shower. Super frustrating. They just don't think things
through. I'm trying to keep my cool and let it slide because stressing about it
won't make things any better. It would only make things more complicated. But I
swear, that guy from Bangladesh is seriously pushing my patience to the limit.
Finally, I muster up the courage to tell them I don't want
their bed, and I prefer to keep my bunk bed. The look on the Bangladesh guy's
face was pretty amusing, I could tell he was annoyed that I didn't take their
bed. Dealing with all this—bed assembling and the toilet trouble last
night—it's just adding unnecessary stress to my life.
I've been facing quite a bit of pressure lately with both
the ticking clock and people around me constantly testing my patience. I'm
really putting in the effort to stay cool, but there are times when I just want
to throw in the towel, let my emotions take over, and deal with the aftermath later.
It's just so exhausting.
And then there's this indian guy, Lab in charge, who seems
to have a direct line to my time and energy whenever he feels like it. I'm all
for helping out, but it's gotten to the point where it feels like he's cashing
in on my kindness. I've got my own workload, personal plans, and let's face it,
sometimes I just want to chill and not be bothered. Plus, he's acting like I
have my own bike to zip around this supposedly small island of Maldives. Yeah,
it's tiny, but not walk-everywhere tiny.
The tricky part is, I can't really say much about it. I feel
like I've got to suck it up because this guy works in the hospital, and he's
well aware that I might need his help. It's like he's taking advantage of the
situation, and it's becoming a real struggle to handle it all.
Back at my desk in the office, I can't help but feel a bit
off whenever our sales director is around. He's got this vibe, you know? On one
hand, I appreciate not having to engage in small talk, which I'm not a fan of,
but on the other hand, it makes me feel somewhat isolated and unimportant in
the office. I’m so weird
Feeling a bit bummed, especially considering I had hoped to
come back to the Maldives proudly say I got my USRN license and planning my
next move. Reality check: that's not happening. Instead, I find myself stuck
here, grinding away at work, and gearing up for another round of Nclex exam
prep. Not exactly the post-holiday scenario I had in mind, and it's a bit of a
downer but that’s what it is.
Can’t do anything about it but to stay like this and just go
with the flow
I've been exploring the Baa Atoll for about a week now,
going from Eydhafushi to Thuladhoo, then Goidhoo, back to Eydhafushi, followed
by Dharavandhoo, and finally Kendhoo. The constant island-hopping can be a bit
tiring, but being so close to nature and traveling solo adds a beautiful touch
to the experience. There's something liberating about moving around without the
usual considerations that come with having a travel buddy.
In the midst of my island adventures, I've come across a
variety of people. One person in Eydhafushi, however, really stood out – the
lab in charge. Let me tell you, his vibes are quite off, and he's a tough nut
to crack. He's got that typical 'full of himself' attitude, and trying to have
an open conversation with him feels like hitting a brick wall. And guess what?
He's Indian, fitting the stereotypical image of someone hard to please. His
closed-mindedness makes everything unnecessarily complicated.
It's amusing, in a frustrating way, to meet someone so set
in their ways, living in their own little bubble. This guy firmly believes what
he wants to believe, no matter how much sense you try to talk into him. He's
got this thing against safety needles, insisting they cause more pain to
patients than regular syringes, especially the ones from Sarstedt. I tried
explaining the nuances of pain perception and how safety needles can be handled
properly to minimize discomfort, but it's like talking to a wall. He just won't
budge. What's even funnier is that he says he doesn't hate safety needles; he
just doesn't like them. Yeah, right.
Luckily, our encounter was brief, and I'm crossing my
fingers that our paths won't cross again. Amidst such encounters, there are
also those who make the journey enjoyable – the enthusiastic and easygoing
ones. I'm thankful for those who've made my island-hopping life much smoother,
unlike the handful who seem to be more of a puzzle than a pleasure.
Looking back at last year, it's
been pretty good overall. Sure, I've had my fair share of ups and downs, and
I'm well aware of my flaws. But you know what's crazy? God's been looking out
for me, even when I didn't realize it. Now, as I think about it, I'm hoping I
can start appreciating all the good stuff in my life a bit more.
So, I wrapped up the year with
some folks here in Maldives. We had dinner outside, had a little chat – nothing
too fancy. They're not exactly my ride-or-die friends; more like people I know.
It's not a deep connection, but hey, they're familiar faces.
My life might seem plain and
simple to others, and honestly, I'm cool with that. I decided to kick off the
new year mostly on my own. It might sound a bit lonely or dull, but this time
alone means something to me. Of course, deep down, I wish I could be
celebrating with my family, but it's been a good 10 years since I spent
Christmas and New Year's at home. It's wild to think about how all those years
away shaped who I am today.
Spent most of the day catching up
on sleep, and I must say, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Treated myself to some
homemade tuna pasta and attempted a dessert recipe I found online. Had plans to
hit the books today, but the festive and gloomy atmosphere had other plans for
me, making it a day of more naps than study. Grateful that I managed to squeeze
in a bit of studying, though.
Reflecting on the past year, I
feel genuinely thankful to God for everything. Looking ahead to this year, I
don't want to make grand promises, but I'm committed to trying my best to
become a better person. Planning to embrace life with a more positive outlook
and offer up everything to God. Here's to a hopeful and promising year ahead.
made my way
back to Male today. So, Kudahuvadhoo in Dhaalu Atoll? Pretty quiet and kind of
gloomy vibe, you know? Supposed to be all about studying, but man, these past
few days hit me hard, and I'm knee-deep in procrastination. Like, why am I
doing this to myself, especially with exams looming? I tried to go through a
few notes, but it doesn't feel like proper studying, you feel me? And there's
this mountain of notes I need to tackle again and again – overwhelming much?
Despite my laziness, I managed to
wander around the island. Feeling the sea breeze, tasting that salty air, and
catching that unique sea smell – it was a mix of relaxation and a bit of a
kick, you know? The sounds of the sea and the stunning view of the vast ocean
were a welcome break. I was all set to do some training for the nurses for the past days,
but guess what? Overslept and missed the early blood collection visit today. Major
guilt trip because that's the main thing on my to-do list here, and I blew it.
But hey, I'm just so mentally and physically drained.
and there's this other guilt
I'm carrying – my exercise routine is on the rocks. Can't even manage indoor
push-ups anymore. Feeling regretful and exhausted on that front too. That's Life, huh?
can't complain too much, though.
Met some wonderful people at the hospital. After 3 years, got invited to a
beach picnic for the first time, and it genuinely made me happy. Honestly,
whether they like me or not isn't a big deal because I usually prefer my own
company. Socializing isn't really my thing, but with this job, no choice but to
dive into it. Still, that picnic? Total happiness 😊
It happened yesterday, and it was
a full moon night. Seeing the moon on a gloomy, cloudy night got me all
sentimental. Last full moon of the year, and it hit me right in the feels.
Reflecting on everything from this year made me tear up. Even though I can't
compare my struggles to what others go through, maybe mine is just a tiny part
of the mishaps in life, but it's my own journey. I've been hanging by a thread
of sanity throughout the year, dealing with secret battles. Should I pat myself
on the back for managing to be the best version of myself, despite teetering on
the edge of my sanity all year? I think so.
It's my birthday today, and I've
officially turned 34. As I add another year to my journey, it feels like I've
opened a new chapter filled with valuable life lessons, personal growth, and
memories that may fade but have shaped me. These years have been a profound
exploration of self, and I'm grateful for the insights gained along the way.
Here's to another year of learning and growth
I strive to be the best version
of myself, but let's face it—I'm not perfect. Life throws all sorts of tests my
way—time, situations, people, destiny—and it's a constant journey figuring out
how to respond and grow from it all.
I'm currently in a happy place,
content with the person I've become. Yet, I'm still on this journey of
self-discovery, navigating through life and figuring out what truly brings me
joy. Sure, I may not have everything I once wished for, but I'm counting my
blessings for what I've accomplished. Acknowledging my own resilience is key.
Despite my flaws, bad choices, and moments of not fully grasping things around
me, I'm still pushing forward. Life's a journey, and I'm making the most of it
I'm currently on the island of
Mahibadhoo in Alif Dhaal for work, and you know what? I'm thrilled to bits that
I get to spend my birthday here instead of being stuck in the office back in
Male City. I mean, who wants to celebrate with a cake in the office anyway? It
just feels so awkward, you know? Even though it's a tradition, I can't shake
off that uncomfortable feeling. But hey, I'm just so darn grateful to be away from
the office mess right now.
As the years go by, I've come to
realize that birthday bashes aren't really my thing. Maybe it's because I don't
have those super vivid memories of big celebrations since my 7th birthday. And
you know what? That's totally cool with me. All I want is some alone time,
soaking in the peace at my own pace.
Really thankful for those people
who genuinely remembered my birthday and greeted me. It’s really mean to me.
In some way, this place has become my identity. There was a
time when I questioned if I truly belonged here, but now I can confidently
declare that the Maldives is a part of who I am. This month marks my three
years in this unfamiliar territory. Over these years, my life has been a series
of unpredictable waves, and at times, I've been uncertain if I could navigate
through and come out victorious.
It was a daunting journey. I was alone, and, truthfully, I
didn't know anyone here. While not exactly scared, but I always found myself
contemplating my life decisions and questioning everything. I recall sitting on
Rasfannu at dusk, observing the gentle waves, the boats passing by, and the
people around me. In that moment, I found myself praying to God, hoping He
wouldn't grow tired of listening to my nonsensical complaints.
A multitude of events unfolded over the past three years. I
encountered new faces, underwent experiences that will undoubtedly linger in my
memory, stumbled along the way, and made temporary decisions that occasionally
landed me in challenging situations. It was a genuine eye-opener, and those
instances led me to believe that God truly cares for me. Making the same
mistake twice is one too many, and I had to learn the hard way. Nevertheless, I
chose to view it in a positive light, as these experiences became valuable
lessons in my life journey.
But look at me now, I've weathered the challenges of the
past three years. Despite still facing daily struggles and constantly
contemplating life and future decisions, I am genuinely grateful to God. My
life may not be perfect at the moment, but I am praying and hoping for, at the
very least, a life filled with happiness.
Today was kind of okay; my boss talked to me, but not about
his actions yesterday. Instead, he discussed a solution at IGMH with me and
Azard. Hahaha, to be honest, a part of me feels like I'm not even capable of
handling this problem on my own, especially considering it's my own account.
Every day in this company, I get this vibe that I'm just a
filler, someone they need to plug in when there's a gap in the office or field
tasks that no one else can handle. Amila always jokes, "You feel like you're
working now after 3 years," especially when he sees me busy with tasks
related to my account. I know it's meant to be funny, but it hits a nerve. I
never wanted to be just a filler; I want to do something more. I used to work
alone, and asking for help isn't really my thing because I believe I can handle
it somehow. That's probably my toxic trait – I try to do everything myself if I
can.
However, my boss always seems to be judging me – the way he
talks to me, the way he sees me, and how he treats me. A part of me is
genuinely trying to fully embrace this job, but there's something inside
holding me back … probably the work culture here.
I genuinely enjoy working with my teammates here at Naadu.
Overall, it brings me a lot of happiness, but every now and then, there's this
one issue that really gets on my nerves.
Working with Azard has its ups and downs. On one hand, the
guy is seriously reliable and super dedicated to his job, which is awesome.
But, you know, there are moments when I feel like he's a bit too gung-ho. Like,
he'll go straight to Habeeb with stuff without even giving me a heads up,
especially when it's about my accounts. It feels a bit like a sneak attack
during meetings, and honestly, it stings. It's like he's more interested in
impressing the higher-ups than having my back.
So, we had this plan to check out things at IGMH recently.
It was kind of a pain, but having someone to share the load was nice. Still,
deep down, I couldn't shake this feeling of not being up to par. It's like,
yeah, we did something to make management happy, but part of me wishes they
didn't see the need to bring in extra help. It's been a bit of a trend, and it
makes me wonder why they hired me in the first place. I'm doing my job, getting
paid, but it's messing with my pride a bit, you know? Like, am I really good
enough for them, or are they just keeping me around for the sake of it?
I'm not really upset with Azard; he's a good friend and a
genuinely good person. It's just that I'm not perfect, and that's why I'm
feeling this way.
Last night, we had a pizza party with the guys, and it felt
great working with them. However, I guess it's more of my issue—I tend to be
introverted. Being around people easily drains me mentally. If given the
choice, I'd prefer working alone.
Got together with Mike and Max for dinner today. It had
honestly been a minute since we hung out, and even though I'm usually a bit of
a homebody, I know it's crucial to make time for socializing. The guilt's
creeping in for skipping my work out tonight, especially when the weather was
so nice – what a waste!
Overall, it was a fantastic catch-up. Max's humor always
lightens the mood, and Mike's conversation never disappoints. It's just great
to chat with good friends about life, work, our personal struggles,
experiences, and all the craziness that comes our way. My talks with Mike hit
home because we share common experiences, and I've known him longer than Max.
Even though I have stories about Max too, Mike remains a dear friend to me.
Having friends nearby who get what it's like to work in a
foreign place is like therapy. It's comforting to have someone who understands
the highs and lows of life in a new location. (Not so new)
I'm still feeling a bit guilty about skipping my study
session today, even though I've been procrastinating most of all day. I really
hope I can pass my exam this time.
GILBERT S.P
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