Lately, I’ve been struggling at work. Most days, I feel like
I’m just here, doing nothing meaningful. It’s like I’m a wallflower easily
overlooked, easily replaced. There are moments I doubt myself, feeling like I’m
not good at what I do, not the best at anything, and lacking the qualities of a
truly great employee. Honestly, I’ve felt bored, disconnected, and even
resentful toward my job. I get easily irritated by people around me, and the
thought of quitting, moving out, or going back to Singapore or even trying the
UAE again crosses my mind more often than I’d
like to admit.
And then on the most random, ordinary day, without any
warning I received a bonus. I couldn’t believe it. I mean, considering how
little I feel I contribute, it almost felt undeserved. I was overwhelmed happy,
yes but also confused and even a bit embarrassed. I’ve been sitting here
collecting a paycheck each month, feeling like I’m not really earning it, and
that doesn’t sit well with me.
I’m grateful, truly. But at the same time, I’m wrestling
with a lot of mixed emotions.