Lately, I’ve been struggling at work. Most days, I feel like I’m just here, doing nothing meaningful. It’s like I’m a wallflower easily overlooked, easily replaced. There are moments I doubt myself, feeling like I’m not good at what I do, not the best at anything, and lacking the qualities of a truly great employee. Honestly, I’ve felt bored, disconnected, and even resentful toward my job. I get easily irritated by people around me, and the thought of quitting, moving out, or going back to Singapore or even trying the UAE again crosses my mind more often than I’d
like to admit.

And then on the most random, ordinary day, without any warning I received a bonus. I couldn’t believe it. I mean, considering how little I feel I contribute, it almost felt undeserved. I was overwhelmed happy, yes but also confused and even a bit embarrassed. I’ve been sitting here collecting a paycheck each month, feeling like I’m not really earning it, and that doesn’t sit well with me.

I’m grateful, truly. But at the same time, I’m wrestling with a lot of mixed emotions.

Labels: job, maldives, work