Today was kind of okay; my boss talked to me, but not about his actions yesterday. Instead, he discussed a solution at IGMH with me and Azard. Hahaha, to be honest, a part of me feels like I'm not even capable of handling this problem on my own, especially considering it's my own account.

Every day in this company, I get this vibe that I'm just a filler, someone they need to plug in when there's a gap in the office or field tasks that no one else can handle. Amila always jokes, "You feel like you're working now after 3 years," especially when he sees me busy with tasks related to my account. I know it's meant to be funny, but it hits a nerve. I never wanted to be just a filler; I want to do something more. I used to work alone, and asking for help isn't really my thing because I believe I can handle it somehow. That's probably my toxic trait – I try to do everything myself if I can.

However, my boss always seems to be judging me – the way he talks to me, the way he sees me, and how he treats me. A part of me is genuinely trying to fully embrace this job, but there's something inside holding me back … probably the work culture here.

I genuinely enjoy working with my teammates here at Naadu. Overall, it brings me a lot of happiness, but every now and then, there's this one issue that really gets on my nerves.

Working with Azard has its ups and downs. On one hand, the guy is seriously reliable and super dedicated to his job, which is awesome. But, you know, there are moments when I feel like he's a bit too gung-ho. Like, he'll go straight to Habeeb with stuff without even giving me a heads up, especially when it's about my accounts. It feels a bit like a sneak attack during meetings, and honestly, it stings. It's like he's more interested in impressing the higher-ups than having my back.

So, we had this plan to check out things at IGMH recently. It was kind of a pain, but having someone to share the load was nice. Still, deep down, I couldn't shake this feeling of not being up to par. It's like, yeah, we did something to make management happy, but part of me wishes they didn't see the need to bring in extra help. It's been a bit of a trend, and it makes me wonder why they hired me in the first place. I'm doing my job, getting paid, but it's messing with my pride a bit, you know? Like, am I really good enough for them, or are they just keeping me around for the sake of it?

I'm not really upset with Azard; he's a good friend and a genuinely good person. It's just that I'm not perfect, and that's why I'm feeling this way.

Last night, we had a pizza party with the guys, and it felt great working with them. However, I guess it's more of my issue—I tend to be introverted. Being around people easily drains me mentally. If given the choice, I'd prefer working alone.

Labels: maldives, work