Right after getting the results, I was still stuck in that frustrating and sad headspace when I got home. Now, there's this whole bunch of issues hitting me – family stuff, our living situation, housing matters – it's like a pile of problems on my shoulders that I need to figure out. And honestly, it's making me feel pretty alone in all of this. The part that hurts the most? My brother. I had hoped he'd be my support, helping me lift our family up, but he's just turning out to be a big letdown.

To be fair, I consider myself fortunate to have siblings who've always been respectful towards me. While there haven't been any major issues caused by them, it's a reality check that no family is perfect, including mine. We all have our share of shortcomings, and that's perfectly okay.

I must admit, there's a bit of disappointment when it comes to my brother. Maybe I set my expectations too high for him. I've been rooting for him, believing that as the man in the family, he would take charge, especially since I'm miles away. Unfortunately, that hasn't been the case. He's let me down as his elder, contrary to the faith I had in him. All I've ever wanted for our lives is success and an improvement in our life status after completing our education. Or at least, that's what I thought.

The source of my frustration came from the mistaken belief that he had already finished his academic journey and obtained a diploma. It turns out, he didn't complete his on-the-job training on the ship, preventing him from getting the diploma, and that's the saddest part.

During our conversation, he was all nonchalant, saying he doesn't need the diploma and trying to convince me it's no big deal because his course doesn't lead to much in other careers. The whole conversation got confusing, he was gaslighting me and making me feel like I didn't get it.

All I was trying to convey was the importance of having the diploma. I'm not forcing him to pursue a specific industry. I'm just emphasizing that having a degree opens up various possibilities. I'd be more than happy for him to follow any path he wants, as long as he holds that degree. Unfortunately, he's not getting it.

This situation has left me upset and saddened as his brother. I only want the best for him. Does he think being an undergrad will make his life easier? He's too young to realize that having a diploma is crucial for securing a good job. Even those who graduated and possess diplomas face challenges in the job market, let alone those without one.

When he mentioned choosing his course to be considerate about expenses, it felt like a way of gaslighting my frustration. As far as I know, no one forced him into that course, and he doesn't have a valid reason to blame any of us. It was his choice, and he needs to take responsibility for it.

He's kinda self-centered, thinking he's the big shot head of the family. But truth be told, he doesn't give a hoot about our mom. All he did was slap together this little room for himself at home, without realizing our place is already as cramped as it gets. It never occurred to him that it made the rest of us sharing the same roof uncomfortable in our limited space back home. He's just plain selfish. I can't help but feel sorry for Mom and Tin, they're trying to squeeze into that tiny space to sleep and struggling to find a spot to rest. Witnessing them in this situation makes me realize how our life has ended up like this.

How did my brother turn out to be so thoughtless? I can't stand the words that come out of his mouth when he talks to his sisters. I hope our conversation made a difference since I had the chance to talk to him before I left.

Labels: Brother, family