Today, I felt somewhat uneasy in the office right after lunch. In response to my business director's recent email urging me to be more proactive, I decided to reach out and provide a heads-up regarding a matter she had mentioned. It pertained to a crucial item that could impact our market position, and I wanted both her and her husband, who is also my boss, to be aware of it.

Surprisingly, I received reprimands instead of the expected understanding. It turns out my manager questioned why I had emailed our other boss. This situation has left me at a loss for words. I find it challenging to express my dedication to the company when my efforts to keep them informed are met with criticism. These experiences are making my days at the company increasingly difficult, and I'm struggling to maintain my enthusiasm and sense of value.

This morning, I noticed a message from a colleague in our group chat. He was expressing confidence that the ongoing update to a specific department in the hospital was well-received, with no apparent issues related to his products. Surprisingly, my boss responded by thanking Azard for handling it. I couldn't help but feel disgusted by Azard's insensitivity, especially since he's aware of the challenges we're facing. Personally, I'm struggling with my own product in the laboratory due to the ongoing issues in that same hospital.

He essentially asserted that he can outperform me and is more dependable. I'm not in a competition with anyone; I'm simply striving to meet the company's expectations. However, what he did was seek validation from our boss, indirectly implying that I'm not performing well in my role. Whether he did it out of negative feelings or simply believed it was the right thing to do, he should have considered the potential repercussions. This could backfire on me, and I'm uncertain about how to react. I'm not angry, but I am disappointed.

I value his support, and he's a good friend, but I can't shake this feeling. I often claim I'm not bothered, but the current situation is getting to me. It's hard to explain; I'm not afraid of them, and I have a backup plan if things go south. Yet, there are thoughts and emotions that linger, and I find myself responding to the current situation. I hope it fades from my mind soon.

Labels: work