i'm so devastated about my sister. she's been out of her mind. i dunno how to handle it.

~bilang kuya nahihirapan ako sa mga bagay bagay na ginagawa nya :( 

a feud within this family gives me a heartbreak and continuing thinking about life..is like falling from above and no one else whose willing to catch me.. 

i'm tired about everything i had my own issues about life and then issues about family? this is really unfair. nakakapagod, nakakabobo, nakakahiya, at nakakalungkot. i'm always feel down, but sometimes i'm trying to believed myself that i'm okay even though i'm still hurting inside. nakakainis! 

as much i want to feel happy pero mahirap.. iniiwan, nasasaktan at paulit ulit.. 

giving a chance to running out of this life, i mean this situation.. i would! but for sure, after escaping this life and waking up from dreammm. i need to face it again the reality. bad thing about escaping..

hay, i dont know where i need to put my self.

mukha man ako masaya, ang di lang alam ng iba may pinagdadaanan din ako..

 i dont know if it need to share this. but i need an outlet to express what i feel. nakakabaliw kasi ee.

ang panget lang ng pakiramdam ko this past few days. parang ang lungkot lang pakiramdam ko T_T

yung tipong ang bigat ng dala dala ko. tapos napaka nostalgic ng paningin ko. :( ewan ko ba? sobra lang siguro ang nararamdaman kong pag ka bored sa buhay. yung tipong pati sa trabaho tinatamad na din ako. parang ayaw ko ng pumasok dahil sobra akong nabbored at toxic sa office. ang empty empty ng pakiramdam ko lately. Depression

pag uwian galing work. parang nakakatamad mag lakad. ang lungkot pa ng pakiramdam sa byahe. yung marami akong naiisip ng mga bagay (flashback) tapos sasabayan ba ng lecheng mellow music and love song T_T lalong nakaka boost ng depression at ngayon umuulan pa :( this is a sign of depression and maybe leading to suicide? this can't be happening hahaha. 

"maybe, i miss being with someone? my friends.they're all busy with their own lives and this is the time i need to think my own life too. move and step forward. i dunno, but i keep thinking for future and gives a hard time to digest everything. some of them had their own way for better tomorrow, but me still stuck up for where i started. frustrating thou."

"current status : my left chest feels uneasy and heavy"

"maybe, this is my way to reflect and collect those feelings. emptiness and being emotional isn't a sign of weakness. anybody could possibly feel the same thing.Sometimes a smile isn't a smile, it’s a projection of pain being endured at its finest But seriously.Most of the times it is true."

"can't promise but i won't be sad this week. think positive and i'll try to be happy no matter what"

friendships always be proven by trials and problems.

 lately lagi akong nag hehelp out kay carene sa recep. area. by that time na maraming candidate. ok naman mag help out sa kanya kasi yun naman talaga yung work load ko . pero since stress yung isa may time na nag aatittude xa at magagalit sa akin. mabilis akong mataranta lalo na kapag maraming tao tapos may time na nangarag pa ako dahil sa pressure ni carene. kasi naman magulo din naman xa minsan actually natataranta din naman xa pag sobrang tao.

nagsorry xa one time kasi parang nasigawan nya ako kasi yung local berlitz ayaw pumayag na mag interview kasi may next sched na daw xa. well kasalanan ko naman kasi di ko napansin yung isa pang candidate na nakapila.. may time din naman na nakakahurt na xa at na nakakapikon parang bang don't make me feel stupid. after all pwede naman mag usap ng maayos. saka di ko naman sinasadya if ever maka gawa ako ng kasalanan. sa sobrang inis ko din minsan parang gusto kong ihampas yung mga resume sa kanya hahaha buti na lang kahit paano ayaw ko xang patulan  kasi mag kaibigan kami at mahalaga xa para sa akin. i believed that she feels the same way

recently, she advised me to use the slip that she made just to make our tracking system easier. well ok naman nag explain ako sa mga validator kung anu yung gusto iemplement ni carene. based sa pag kakaunawa ko ayaw nila kasi super hassle sa part nila. naisip ko naman na mahirap din sa part namin lalo na pag maraming candidate. kaya sabi ko na lang sa isang corner na lang nila ilagay yung mga details para di rin kami mahilo sa pag ttrack. yun nagalit si carene kasi di nga nasunod yung gusto nya. minsan ang hirap nya intindihin since babae xa hahaha super impulsive at bossy. lakas ng personality which is unhealthy somehow. anyway nagvoice out kasi ako kay ace regarding doon. i don't have any idea na mag bad mouth against carene, gusto ko lang malaman kung anu dapat kong gawin kasi nga galit xa. well ok na naman, kasi nag sorry xa dahil dun sa inasal nya sa amin :) well i know carene more than to anyone. kaya naiintindihan ko naman xa at lagi kong pipilitin na unawain xa since mag kaibigan kami. well sana ganun din xa para sa akin. :)

"minsan may mga bagay na dapat nating intindihin at unawain ng ilang paulit para mas makuha natin kung ano ba talaga yung gusto niyang ipahiwatig. di naman masama ang makinig at magsalita pag binigyan tayo ng pagkakataon basta maidadaan sa magandang paraan na walang nasasaktan or masisirang relasyon"

And I don’t understand why other people say something about other people or they want to tell something to someone but not directly to the person they want to tell . “Nagpaparinig” I don’t get it the logic behind that action because it’s so stupid.

I should be happy because I have work. However, deep inside im not happy or even enjoying those things because I know that I don’t deserved that. Scanning, printing, receptionist and those admin tasks. I know some people around me think that I’m not good enough to do some higher task. That is the frustrating part about my life.