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Thursday, October 20, 2016

Marriage Posted at October 20, 2016 0 comments (+)

When we think that we're worth of love? Being In relationship, both of them should be committed to each other. (I was talking like I knew it well haha) I have a patient who lived at Jurong west. He's been diagnosed of kidney failure due to of diabetes. This old man who's been married 3 times.. And sadly he failed his past 2 marriage and but I think he's happy for his current commitment on his latest Wife now.

He is too old and ill to be failed again. I ask him what happened to his past relationship and why he end up like this. He told me his first Wife left because that time he's been starting to be sick and during that days he's not financially stable and he got children to support. And his second Wife was not emotionally stable to understand his situation and find another man to fulfill whatever she needs.

What my take for this. Based on what my patient's story. No matter what, love and relationship should be bonded with commitment and mostly understanding. Possibly love would faded in a Long run. There's a lot of factors why they end up to this kind of stage. But marriage should last forever from sickness and death.. I'm not judging the other side and I don't even know their story as well. But what we know about marriage is about togetherness throughout the hardship and they're meant to stay together no matter what. although i don't know the real reason behind it.

What I've noticed about Uncle. He's very caring toward his Wife. Those Simple things make me think why he's past wives left him. He is ill now, but the point is, he still able to make an effort to prepare food for his Wife. This is something commendable right? He's not like other patient who's fussy and short tempered because they're sick and fed up about their situation but this Uncle, he's very sweet and caring about auntie in spite of his condition.

Love comes with responsibility. This just like power possessed by anyone of us. My deeper understanding about it might not the same as yours or to other people. But for me, It's a sharing of commitment and passion each day. I'm not here to judge those people who failed their marriage or people who's easily gave up their promises because they fell out of love. I guess the valid reason is when you're not happy anymore it would not be worth it to stay in that relationship and be victim of a one sided love, this will be against what I believe in but in every single thing there's an exception. Love is also about freedom and not holding to something that make you both Miserable. Letting go and moving on are the key of true love. Do you think it does make sense when I say, before you get into marriage both sides should be ready to take the responsibility and be together through out the difficulties. Fight and save your relationship until you can but when things turn hard for both of sides I Guess that's the time to let go.

Disclaimer: this is my own perspective. Not a love guru :)

Labels: commitment, experience, love, marriage, nurse, thoughts, view

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

past few weeks Posted at October 27, 2015 1 comments (+)

It's been a while since my last post. well, I'm quite busy for so many things. I'm been blessed because one of my bucket lists has been unlocked. last August, I had a 6days trip at HongKong. that was a great adventure and experience for me (I can't elaborate every step on that trip but one thing I'm very happy). I didn't imagine that once in my life that HongKong experience will be real. yes! I'm happy because that's my hard earned money, after working here ing Singapore. somehow I've felt guilty because of course that there are a lot of things that I should prioritize. but on the other hand, I also want to experience other things far from my conform zone, enjoying life, make myself happy, feel the satisfaction being on another country, meet other people, collect some unforgettable photos, be free, unwinding, time for me to thinking, appreciate what I had, and so many things that I realized when I'm on that trip.

Realized that I can be happy if I try other things. let myself to be alone and felt everything. one thing that I loved about that trip, traveling was the best escape for a so-called problem, you let yourself think and breathed for everything. And clear for me that I will do it again, cross fingers I will do it again. (so need to save more now hehe)

for the past few months and weeks, there's some point that I was broken. yes, I was broken again, I didn't know where in this earth why am I experiencing this all over again. recently this someone was my sweetest downfall, I was happy when were together. like everything seems unreal and asking myself that this is really happening. "Nakakastress" and I don't want for further elaboration for this because right now I'm still processing myself for moving on. I hope that someone will be happy and find the real happiness and desires. (NP: Like I'm Gonna Lose You by Meghan Trainor - and now my heart was bleeding

really!? my life was actually a roller coaster. Alam mo yon, every week I've been experiencing different emotions. I'm Actually a time bomb any moment I can explode in one split. "Pakshit ang hirap ng ganito, torture eh" as much as possible I tried to be happy really!? somehow its been difficult to find it. but like what other say, life must go on no matter what. taking it slow and try to handle it with care. this really makes me crazy hahaha.

Happy lang sabi ng iba. sige susubukan ko :D dapat lang naman talaga diba? minsan nasa loob ng puso natin yung mga bagay na mag papasaya sa atin. nakakalimutan lang natin ilabas at tignan. hinahanap pa natin yung wala. kaya in the end mag seself pity na lang katulad ko haha. sana minsan makita ko din yung worthy ko bilang tao, lalaki, anak, kaibigan, tauhan, at bilang isang indibidwal. well soon enough naniniwala ako dyan :)

Labels: emotions, experience, honkong, life, love, random thoughts, someone

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Unwanted feelings Posted at April 01, 2015 1 comments (+)

How funny it was when I've got the news. Suddenly I felt unusual and I know that was not right. My two different friends are now engaged. I knew them for a long time and they are good friend of mine. But what I feel when I got the news is somehow strange. I feel envious and asking why them? Because I know there is a good life ahead for them after they got married.

I want to defend myself of course. I knew them before and they deserved this kind of milestone. Carene and I are friends since high school and I believe until now :) we were just friends with something else. I've mentioned her on some of my post before. I don't denied that she was special before although that something between us is now just an untold story and I don't regret it. Because when things happen it’s really meant for you. And if does not maybe something big would be waiting for you. Now something really meant for carene is now happening. She's now engaged for her fiancé from London. As far as I know they're been together for a year. And a month ago she posted some photos on Facebook about the intimate proposal of her boyfriend.

The unwanted feelings was there. And I can't figure out what it was. Jealousy? I'm sure no because what she had now or what states she feels, I am also into it and I would rather to feel happy for her because I know that she's been through a lot of relationships finding a right guy. Seeing her happy, contented and finally settling down with someone she truly in love with, who am I not to be happy. I know deep inside from the bottom of my heart I would say that I am happy for her.

We had a short conversation after she posted the ring. And it means a lot to me because that way I really feel that she's still paying a courtesy to a friend like me and I like the attitude. And I realized that I'm still human capable to feel bad and resilient to make it up. Not too late to feel happy for others and somehow you would feel the real happiness and acceptance. This is not just from the mouth but it comes out from within. I don't know how to explain it well.

Mia is the other woman that felt different too. She's my best friend and my confidant. In some points in our life I know she felt the same way as I did. Comes to the point where we promised that after we reach a certain age if we're still single, we're accepting each other to be couple. It sounds cliché and childish but it was really means a lot for me. And some part of my life I hold that promise and live with it. Jealous? I'm afraid that I am.

I'm selfish in my own way. This isn't right so what can I do? Self-pity? Laid my back and roll like a baby, put my knee on my chest try to make a fatal position and cry all night. If I had a chance I will do it. But sometimes being in this kind of situation isn't helping me instead it puts me down the grave.

I haven't talking her for weeks and maybe for year because I can't do it. The problem is there's nothing to make me feel this way because she's done nothing. I myself choose it and this is my fault. She's a good friend. A very liable and trustworthy a kind of friend and I missed her. I want to turn the time back when we were still happy with our other friends. But now there's a gap and even before there's a fine gap between us when she started to annoyed me because of a nonsense joke but for me it's a big deal because it came to a dear friend. No one else could do it but a friend. This is been resolved and the issue now is all my accountability because this just me.

I denied it When the time she asked me about this situation and the awkwardness between us. Suddenly I stopped talking her and even sending msg. Because all i want is to remain what we have before. Don't want to raise this up and have some long-time of dramas. Beside i just want space and time to find peace of mind. And that's all I need.

Actually I'm truly happy about mia! She deserved it as much as I deserve also. She's been longing for a perfect guy for her whole life and sadly I am not that kind of guy. She's been through a painful heart break before and i saw that bitterness around her smile. Maybe I don’t know what she's planning for her future and I'm hoping that she will find the happiness that what she was looking for. She knew that no matter what we were still be good friend. And soon I will be okay! :)

Besides being jealously. I also felt envious and I know that isn't even right to feel. But my heart still feel that way. And I couldn't stand to it. I've prayed every night that Gods will unleash that sin. But the facts that everyone seems to be happy and found their real happiness. I'm still here struggling about everything. this is a my long time agony. but I'm stronger than before and I tell you that I am now better that before.

To this kind of life. All I'm asking is peace of mind. Although there's always a hard time. I know and I believe it will pay off soon. Faith and my fate will be in Gods will.

Labels: feelings, friends, love, move on, notes

Friday, August 2, 2013

looking forward too Posted at August 02, 2013 3 comments (+)

yes! my sister is pregnant :| that is mixed emotions. I don't know if right to feel angry or upsets because of that. but seriously i'm really happy because of this little angel. :) well my sister is indeed a black sheep of our family but I know there is something that she can learned for this.

being a parent isn't easy as we think. and I believed that she would realized it now. and for me as "kuya" I realized that how hard to being part of this situation and being responsible for everything. teaching and reminding them for do's and don'ts regarding starting building a family. now i'm being matured enough facing every challenges.

and looking forward for good and peaceful family with them.

goodvibes and praying to settle everything.

Labels: family, love, reflection

Saturday, July 13, 2013

snow white aka ace :) Posted at July 13, 2013 1 comments (+)

be aware for this post! emotions overload :)

its been a months, some of my closest friends in office are leaving and now ace also need to leave for better career path.

i'm happy for her of course, that is for her growth and for better future, but honestly there's a thin line between happiness and sadness~ shuxxx *_* idunno it because we've been good friends for all these years. like good partners when it comes in work and sharing those funny things about our self. simple conversation that we end up laughing. seriously this is really clingy on my part and awkward as well. this is what i miss for sure. green jokes and those funny icons 0_0 and being my BIG sistah :) haha

~a friend who treated me like her own brother. (hahah wala ee. pogi ehh).and teasing me like a high school bully. (agreeeee^^) i surely missed her and those phone calls and follow up about work related question. and of course " yung simpleng kwentuhan pero alam mong may laman at minsan seryoso na pala" yung mga bagay na gusto kong marinig at advice na manggagaling sa isang tunay na kaibigan. masakit marinig sa iba pero pag sa real friend matatanggap mo ng bukal sa puso. :) *brutally honesty.
nakakamiss yooooon for sure. :(

~thank youuuu ace. for believing me na POGI ako hahahaha and for the friendship, and for the unconditional love snowhite . cheers! and goodluccccckkk friend. :D alam ko naman na lahat tayo kailangan mag step forward ee. magkikita pa rin naman kami for sure, maka emote lang ako :( bakit ba nalulungkot ako ee. :)

minsan kasi ito ang poblema ko ee. pagiging attached sa isang tao eh. pakiramdam ko tuloy na, im always left alone. *_* hahaha drama lang.

"Basta, bahala na. ganyan ang kaibigan dapat hahaha sincere honest and real

Labels: ace, bestfriends, love, pimple, pogi, real, snow white, work

Sunday, May 19, 2013

life and choices Posted at May 19, 2013 1 comments (+)

i've been busy for this past few weeks. and i'm so damn tired. hahaha well i should be happy because i'm blessed to had my work.and these days, looking for a better job is definitely a challenge for anyone.

demand for out sourcing people for this month is just a huge work for us. and that is really good right? hahaha a bit sacrifices when it comes to time and social life.well i'm talking about overtime and some goodtimes. and this past few days i had lot of overtime and usually late out just to finish all my stuff. i couldn't take to leave it all my work and do it to another day Y_Y and that's being "ningas kugon". why should i do it tomorrow if i can do it now. instead i'll take it as positive as i wish hehe well more overtime it's means more money hahahaha.

i never forget to have some fun when i had spare time. spending time with friends is really great. like going to church during weekends with abby. and recently we just met and makes me wait for 2hrs. urgg >_< i've been early because our house's ceiling needs to fixed. as early as 7am. would you imagine our house without bubong hahaha ~ang init init nga eh so i decided to leaved early hahaha saka makatakas sa trabaho :)

~abby had her new phone samsung galaxy SIII.and i'm dying because i also want to have that one :(

huhuhu i need android phone pls. and i felt outdated because everyone had their android phones and iphones. and me even i've worked but i had this phones. ( nokia expressmusic and C5-03) but couldn't let this phones or give it away to my siblings. and that's my problem, letting something for me is really hard ~ "may sentimental value kasi and treasure ko kasi lahat ng bagay na meron ako kahit bigay lang at binili ko, maingat talaga ako sa gamit. di ko maiisip na ipamigay gamit ko. maiinis lang ako pag nakita kong di inaalagaan ang gamit na iibigay ko" so i can't help it if i see those things. parang ang damoooot ko diba? hahah well that's me. O_O

~i envy abby and athena as well because of that S3. they bought it online at kimstore (click this link and you'll see those gadget they sell) i believed this is leggit hehehe :) when S4 was launched a month ago. and that time S3 had its price drops, a huge price drop online. so i'm here dying to buy it. but i can't decide,well i considered a lot of things before i bought something. i know its "LUHO" and i don't need it as much i need savings. if i do that, its a huge adjustment to my savings. and i know that there more other things are much important than this. but i really want to have that one. bahala na.

huhuhu i'm really torn.

May 15~

Karaoke time with onboarding team :) that was a really good time with them. having dinnner at mang inasal and kantahan afterward. bonding moment with them is just an escape after work. yun nga lang di ako kumanta~ shame on me, O_O as much i want to sing. but i dont want to put my self on a spot.and feel disappointed about my talent hahahaha -ihhh kakainis gusto ko kumanta like the end the world pero mahiyain ang boses ko at matutulog pa rin as always hahahaha.

May 18~

since gile is about to leave this May going to Saudi. we had a bonding moment with mia. and these things i'm surely miss. :( karaoke and movie date at sm manila. ~same above. my singing career is now fading way :( hahaha i need to practice at least one song right? para di naman ako nganga sa kantahan O_O anyway. i hope gile will be ok in saudi. and now reaching her dreams is now on her way. after 2years magkikita kami ule and i hope ok sya doon. matapang naman at alam kong kakayanin nya. nakakamis yung biglang lakad tapos magsisimba sa baclaran at quiapo, pupunta sa SM manila para magpalipas ng oras. :| yung usapang may sense at kabuluhan sa bawat pinag uusapan.

~i love them as much they love me. be proud and happy to have them. life won't be complete with real friends. thru thin and thick they're always there.

Labels: career, friendship, happiness, love

Sunday, May 12, 2013

mother's day Posted at May 12, 2013 3 comments (+)

happy mother's day nanay :) and to all moms out there.

seriously this is really corny for me. di kasi ako showy and being vocal about how important my family is. which is not good :( pero ganoon ako. well given na yun na mahal mo ang pamilya mo/ko. di ko lang masabi :D

anyway. my life won't be easy without my mom. :) a lot of courage being a single parent and raised us alone. kahit may mga taong di makaintindi at mga taong walang magawa sa buhay para lang pahirapan kami (kapit bisig lang). we love her no matter what, kahit nagger and moody lang. at kadalasang nag-ddrama sa buhay. but still we're grateful. (ganoon lang ang anak! pasaway hahaha )

Labels: family, love, mother, nanay

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

bakit hindi ka crush ng crush mo? Posted at April 03, 2013 10 comments (+)

Nabasa ko na yung book ni Ramon Bautista na "bakit hindi ka crush ng crush mo?" :)

well curious lang ako regarding sa libro. kung ano ba yung content ng gawa nya? may kwenta ba? or puro love ba? and anything about the book.

so upon reading this book. it makes my mind clear that this book is not just about Love problem. and i just find it cool like those question and answer portion scheme. not the usual book that the author tells something about the story and narrating it until the end of the page. well, this book is just a simple questions and answers info. (he gathered all the material from his formspring account) as usual there some answer that not so serious but funny and when you look on the other side and you might think this way "well OO nga noh" :)

my favorite lines:

" kasi naman, ang buhay ay hindi cheesy at romantic tulad sa tv at pelikula, mapait ito at masakit at sinasabi natin 'yan kung paano natin nararanasan"

"basta ako, naniniwala na trying to forget someone you love is like to remember someone you never met"

"Hindi ako naniniwala sa fate, destiny and soulmates, ang mundo ay binubuon ng mga pangyayaring random na kaganapan"

~ako naninilawa pa din pero totoo din naman na lahat ng nangyayari sa mundo ay random :) make sense

"moving techniques: kung hindi mutual ang feelings natin,pwes, gagawing kong mutual. ayoko na rin sa'yo"

Revenge - Simply put, the best revenge is to live an awesome life.

haha well agree ako sa no. 3. isa sa mga factor talaga yan :)

i feel for him O_O in some point. i felt that way. tskk drama haha

nice answer : do whatever makes you less tanga. pero in reality mahirap din talaga mag move on ah :)

this thing, isn't right ? :) make sense

movies are really far from the Reality but close enough to realized everything

this part enlighten me. well i've been depressed lately. and irealized that "oo nga bored lang ako at nag seself-pity" and now realizing everything and be positive as always. eliminate stress :D

and this things as well super positive

made my day profile picture-genic :) thank you photoshoped

thank you Don. Ramon B.

Nice job :)

Labels: book, life, love, ramon bautista, review

Thursday, February 14, 2013

single awareness day Posted at February 14, 2013 7 comments (+)

alright this is a valentines day. everybody should be happy right? either single or in relationship.

well of course, those people in relationship is indeed happy. because they having a partners celebrating this especial day. and for those single like me. this day is such a worst day hahaha or should i say, that this day is a simple day.but i don't feel it the same way because whenever side i turned my head there's always a red stuff, flowers and couple out there. shouting that feb 14 is a valentines day :) hahahaha

anyway..

here in office. some of my officemates recieved their valentines presents from their boyfriends. yezzzz that so chessy hahah anyway i'll just find it cute and sweet. maybe soon i also do it too with my special someone. well on the brighter side, i don't need to spend money for flowers and chocolates hahaha kuripot much ***

i end up helping carene carrying those stuff. O_O shame on me** "i'll do it for the free fare in taxi hahaha. really sucks pagu (^_^ other nickname, my high school friends called me that way) ~ hay nakuuu kung di lang uuwi si leo di naman ako sasabayan ni carene hahaha bitter? no! hahaha expect the unexpected since carene didn't expect it. well at least she received gift from leo.

~tingin ko na pilitan lang akong bigyan ni mama roma ng toblerone 0_0 ; hahaha kasi naman lahat binigyan nya. and i told her "bakit ako wala T_T " ( tongo long pagu ~ bata lang? hahaha-- back on my mind ) hahaha yun mukang napilitan ata kaya inabutan na din nya ako hahaha. anu ba yan nang lilimos ng pag mamahal sa iba hahaha be a man dude ! anyway binigay ko sa nanay ko yung chocolates para isipin nun sa akin galing ~ hohoho i dont know, di kasi ako shooowwy sa familiy ko. i find it corny and pakitang tao well alam naman ni god na mahal ko sila. di ko lang masabi, diba ok na yun.

and i just spend my whole day in office doing my call outs and pet stuff:

creepy ace @_@

this is ace and how she played my phone cam. kulit :D

pet life :D

chocolates from tiff :D very sweet panda :D

chocolates from mama roma (na napilitang magbigay hahaha) and from tiff

and sir carlos gave me this piece of paper O_O and i'm shocked what is inside

hahahah bad bald man.

roses from sir wielan :D

Labels: alone, love, valentines day, work

Sunday, January 13, 2013

crazy friendship forever Posted at January 13, 2013 4 comments (+)

we had an over night stay at athena's place in marikina. well that was so fun hahaha :) first we just met her baby sister. a 2 mos old baby ( i forgot her name) . she was so cute and adorable. and then we eat spaghetti that her dad made for us. i really like it specially the cheese on top haha. after dinner we played PS3. a really nice game console and i want to have one too. but i need to save more money first and buy all this stuff as package including the flat screen TV. hihi for better visual resolution :) anyway but sadly this two girls always beat me to every games that we played haha shame on me right**

i like the mind games, i forgot the title but that was so nice but it takes too long to finish the games except if you're both smart regarding problem solving haha. i also like this games. walking dead ( i couldn't imagine to live like that haha but i like to have my own movie or even in real life, fighting with the zombies haha well i need to practice my killing skills in the future haha.) Persona ( nice anime characters. really like it. how i wish to find the anime version of it ) little big world racing version ( not sure the title haha. anyway that was so crazy. nice voodoo dolls avatars that you can costumize it for what look you want for them. crazy!:) we just laught all night because of them.). her dad treat us so well. pinag luto at inasikaso pa kami. really nice experience.

shot by athena :) better version haha

after a month of being not together

we're still friends forever. bond of love and memories

Labels: friendships, love

Friday, November 2, 2012

lolo and lola's memories Posted at November 02, 2012 5 comments (+)

November 1 is all saint's day. as our traditions, this is the day that we visit lolo and lola's tomb in Holy cross cemetery Novaliches. well nice weather to go to cemetery. much better than to have rains that day. as usual, high sunshine and a heavy traffic is the only problem. like u wanna fade in the middle of the streets because of the hot steam coming from the ground and polluted air. darnn**

well i'm with my two siblings (tintin and tongtong) and we meet duday along the area. haha she's been part of my family for a year (one of my best friend) and then we go together to meet my relatives there waiting for us. :) tito nilo, tita violy, ninang, ninong, john paul and tito jun and alex are already there. well nice reunion after all. like tito jun. he's been newly arrived from saudi. they're chatting all day.

me and duday are also chatting all day. we just talked about our lives and future plans hehe as usual we also talked about her love life. sometimes i don't get her. she's been in a complicated relationship for almost a year. no matter what, that is her choice. is just being redundant about complaining about her situation right now. after all there's no any changes after i give her advice. useless**

well i can't blame her. you cannot choose what situation you really want when it comes in love. i should know more this. love is always mysterious.

Labels: family, friendship, love, undas

Saturday, October 13, 2012

mustache Posted at October 13, 2012 0 comments (+)

~My love for you is like a mustache. No matter how hard you try to shave it .. It’ll grows back much thicker and stronger than it was.

Labels: love, me, mustache, picture

Friday, October 5, 2012

heaven Posted at October 05, 2012 7 comments (+)

this is my baby dog :D her name is heave.

she was given to us last April (i almost forget it)

from tita lita. :)

heaven's name is after their surname "manlangit" that's why her name is heaven.

cute :) actually i hate dogs especially stray dogs because i had lot of bad experiences before. but i think i'm just scared to those stray and big dogs around the street.

now heaven, have her first menstruation . T_T before i didn't know that dogs can have also period like human :) so cool right. now she can able to bear a puppies soon. im so excited :D

Labels: dog, love, pet

Friday, September 21, 2012

Rebound love Posted at September 21, 2012 0 comments (+)

One of my former college friends chat me thru facebook. Well she’s my crush J I don’t know I find her cute and pretty. Anyway we chat, she is the first who tried to reach me. Then she asked me how’s my life and I answered that I’m ok blah blah blah…

And then she asked me about career and stuff.. Then suddenly she asked me what is my number then I give it to her. And vice versa I also asked her number.. and then she told me to text her and I told her that I don’t have load and i'm so lazy about texting hahahaha J

And were continuing chatting blah blah blah… hehehe and then she about to asked me about my love life. And I answered that I don’t have girlfriend and even dating to anyone. Then I asked her too. and she start to tell her love story,Then she’s been broken hearted for a year ( I guess). I know where was going this conversation. Hahaha

Ang pogi lang ( paniniwala ko) J ewan ko ba parang wala ako sa mood makipag flirt online. Pero alam ko na gusto nia makipag kita kasi tinatanong nia ako kung may lakad ba daw ako, so I make some ally by ( assuming T.T) Hay. I don’t know I’m so lazy doing those things. Hahaha or maybe I’m not ready to fall inlove haha. And I think if ever we meet, maybe she might be disappointed about my face. I got so much pimple and my face so wasted. L

Hanggang flirt lang pero serious love affair di pa ako ready L I don’t know. Maybe I too scared to hurt or ~~just a rebound love~~. the last time i checked her profile, i think she's already ok with her boyfriend. well so happy for her.

~why people do some moves when they're brokenhearted. looking for someone who can ease the pain. NO FOR REBOUND LOVE

Labels: love, random, rebound love

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Random Question Posted at September 15, 2012 0 comments (+)

I got Random question coming from a friend. She asked me if there is a chance that I think to have someone special or girlfriend because I’ve been so lonely and alone for so long, well since then hahaha lol.

Anyway, and I answered like this, “minsan iniisip ko din yan. Xempre minsan naiisip ko na malungkot yung mag isa ka lang sa lahat ng bagay, yung tipong wala kang karamay, dati nga pati mga kaibigan kong mg bf pinagseselosan ko. Yung tipong dati may time kami mag bonding pero ngayon xempre priority na nila yung mga bf nila, hahahaha (bestfriend no need to mention nahihiya ako ). Well self-pity forever. I just want to spend my time to someone I truly love. I hope Makita ko na sya hahahaha nagmamadali lang.

ayaw ko naman tumanda mag isa >,< (hala napaparanoid na ako)~

well wala di ko pa-talaga naiisip yung ganung bagay, kasi ang dami kong dapat unahin. nan jan lang naman yan. dadating kung dadating. no more rebound love. things become more complicated if you insist.

Labels: bitter, emo, friend, love, question, random

Monday, September 3, 2012

i'm deeply hurt Posted at September 03, 2012 0 comments (+)

Sunday afternoon I received text message coming from a very good friend, well I thought we’re good friend enough to understand each other, or enough to know ourselves about treating each other. Well I’m trying to say, that being concerned to a friend that really mean to me,

Is somehow, not healthy on my part. You know that feelings when you overly attached to someone, to the point that you care for her and yet she doesn’t see you as friend that maybe worried about her. Even thought she knows my feelings about her before and we tend to be a good friend. That fact is enough to understand me why I’m being worried about her because she’s especial to me not on a romantic way. But because after all were still good friends.

I’m so disappointed about her text message to me. I don’t know, maybe I don’t expect that words coming from her or maybe I’m too much attached for our friendship. I don’t want to post the actual message . But the thought is “masyado akong nag-jujudge sa pag katao nya, di ko man lang tinanong yung taong kasama nya, pinapalabas kong mababang babae xa. Well wala din daw naman xang kailangan iexplain sa akin. At na offend sya message ko”.

Maybe I’m too harsh on my word, pero diba nya na iisip na nag alala talaga ako sa kanyan, na baka may masama mangyari sa kanya kasi lasing sya that time. At bilang kaibigan alam naman nya na mag aalala lang ako sa kalagayan nya. I know there’s no need to explain on me. Maybe I’m just a mere friend and not her boyfriend. So that’s why, I don’t have any right to talk to her like that.

But still I’m Hurting about that. I’m just losing some concern about her. Maybe I need to make some space between us.

Labels: friendships, hurt, love

Friday, August 17, 2012

Love story and its over Posted at August 17, 2012 1 comments (+)

~~"missing me"~~

I love the way it feels when you touch my hand

Don't wanna let you go

I love the way you say that I am your man

Don't understand why we can't go on and go on

Don't understand why

You don't belong in my arms

Ohh

And even if I cried a thousand tears tonight

Would you come back to me

And even if I walked on the water

Would you come out to sea

Now I can't spend my life standing by

Cause even when I miss you

You're still not missing me

It's funny how my heart just won't let it go

I just don't understand

It's crazy how the pain seems to overflow

The memories of you here with me by my side

I can't deny that you are the love of my life

Ohh

And even if I cried a thousand tears tonight

Would you come back to me

And even if I walked on the water

Would you come out to sea

Now I can't spend my life standing by

Cause even when I miss you

You're still not missing me

And I still cry for you

And I would die for you

I can't believe all the words I heard you say

And I still long for you

And I was strong for you

I can't believe that you'd throw it all away

I still cry for you

I would die for you

I can't believe all the words I heard you say

I still long for you

I was strong for you

I can't believe that you'd throw it all away

This song reminds me that there is a point in my life that I am down because of LOVE. Yeah i know. Its kinda corny and funny, but don’t deny it, every one of us have this kind of experience when we’re in love. Is there a happy feeling when you remembered this right? :)

This is a random post J

I’ll share my short story that is about LOVE.

Haha yeah corny and funny but I just want to share my dramatic and tragic love story lol J

Well, I been in love to my high school friend since the day I met her. Super curly hair like “igorot or ita” just like that, skinny, morena and pointed nose and that is how I described her before. I just met her on my 3^rd year in high school and that day, her eyes caught me and I realized that her eyes is the most beautiful than others J hahaha lol. I seated beside her and that time I just want to be her friend since im newbie there.

Tahimik lang ako nung una kasi kakapasok ko pa lang sa section nila. Along the way we become friends, naalala ko pa nga nung mejo palagay na yung loob ko sa section namin at nakahanap na din ako ng mga kaibigan mejo di na ako nahihiya . lagi ko pa nga xa inaasar noon na Volta kc kulot nga xa hehe bully lang J we become good friends.

However, there is a time that we are hated each other, to the point that we dropped some harsh words. Childish thingsJ. That time I just felt something special about her and I denied it or maybe I just don’t entertained that feelings because im not open for that issue. Immature pa ako noon L kaya ito foreveralone hahaha.

At first, I am not sure if this feeling is really love or just a puppy love. were been close all throughout as FRIENDS. Well wala naman sa isip ko yung ligawan or whatever, ang dami ko din kasing insecurity that time. Until we reached college and being totally away from her.

One time out of nowhere she texted me about something that she need to confess. She is always open to me. She shares everything to me “secrets and lies” that is why I felt so special because she put too much trust on me. Even though I’m not her BFF (she have two sissy) but still she tells everything. Because of that trust, i had I chances to tell her that I really love her since then. Di ko alam kung ano yung pwedeng mangyari after that confession. Di nya sinabi na she felt the same things pero nandun ung idea na special ako for her,

There is no chance for romantic relationship between us, naghintayan din kasi kaya walang nangyari and I admit it na kasalanan ko din. Pero nan doon yung katotohanan na pinaasa nya akoL na akala ko pag nag hintay ako merun akong mapapalala. Pakiramdam na nakakapit ako sa isang bagay na kahit anong oras pwedeng mabasag.

6yrs of unwanted feelings, ganyan yung pakiramadam ko all these years. Yung nag eemo ako dahil may boyfriends sya, natutunaw ako twing nag kkwento sya about her boo. Napaka insensitive kaya nya. Yung parang joke time lang yung nararamdaman ko. Nakakainis kaya yun. Tapos out of nowhere bigla syang magtetext na “wag ko daw syang iwan” “hintayin ko daw sya” and “ako na lang daw nag mamahal sa kanya” , yung mga ganyan sentiment. Nakakainis db kasi pinaasa nya ako.. hirap kaya maka move on!

When i actually catch her staring at me .

at first, i pretend that i didnt noticed her but deep inside my heart, gives me goose bumps because of too much happiness .

It is so hard for me to move on, because I really love her. One time she is being ask if she loves me, and then she tells to everyone that there is point that I’m special and husband material pero “di pang display sa MALL at ayaw nya daw ako masaktan” F*ck lang di ba? Kaya pakiramdam ko nun ang panget ko at wala akong karapatan mahalin.

I've been depressed for a month and I refused to see her, ayaw ko syang Makita kasi pakiramdam ko I’m not worth it. Kailangan may patunayan ako sa kanya ganun yung pakiramdam ko. Nung di ako nakapasa sa board exam, di man lang nya ako dinamayan yung tipong “ok lng yan pagu may next time naman ee” and sama kaya ng loob ko noon. I always on here back, may suporta ako sa kanya , mga advice ko as friend pero nung ako na yung may kailangan ng suporta, di man lang makuhang magtext or tumawag.

Well after that tragic and dramatic love story, now I must say that I already moved on. Now, I know how to handle my feelings toward her. And we’re good friends after all. Hahaha alam ko naman na mas ok na yung magkaibigan kami. Ang saya pala ng pakiramdam na Malaya ka na sa isang pakiramdam na nag papahirap sayo. PROMISE masaya ako kung anong kalagayan nya. At mas masaya ako kung makakahanap sya ng mas magmamahal sa kanya hehehe.

now I am foreveralone :) i'm still longing for someone maybe along the way i find someone who really care for me,i'll just give my self space and time to process everything. for now happy at ok naman ako but the fact that im alone yun lang yung nakakalungkot dun ayaw ko naman mag hanap ng iba for thesake of not being alone. napaka immature at unfair yun.hahaha yun yun oh! :)

Labels: love, personal, story